Tell Me It's Not True
by im-an-amazingdan-fan
Summary: It's 2020; The merciless society strikes again, they take away the one thing that Phil cares about - Dan. Confused and desperate, Phil ventures out into the unforgiving land to unveil the truth behind what really happened that night, but in his efforts to do this, Phil unearths some secrets that will change everything... Warnings: contains abusive scenes, which may cause triggers.
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome to my second PhanFic! This first chapter is just going to be a trial for the next few days, and if people enjoy it then I will decide whether I continue with this or not. So if you guys do enjoy this and want to see more, please let me known in the reviews or simply follow/favorite so I know that people are liking this, and so you can be alerted when the new chapters are uploaded!**

 **For people wondering, everything is not how it seems in this particular story, and everything that's happening in the story line is not always set in stone, so don't worry! I have so much more planned for this too, and i dont want the immediate events to put you off - it will change! I hope that you can enjoy it, and if you do, please let me know!**

 **Also check out my other PhanFic which is currently in progress, check it out on my Profile here.**

 ** _*Disclaimer: I do not own Dan or Phil, everything else is mine. Furthermore this story is not based on real life events (thankfully)*_**

 **Phil, Present**

There was nothing I could do, I swear.

As we walked down the pavement, rounding the corner, I had no idea.

Just no idea.

It would be taken away from me.

My whole life would go upside down, as if it hadn't already.

Me and Dan almost running, hands in pockets, heads facing down, avoiding the desolation around our heads of London.

Or what used to be London.

Buildings still smoldering, half their foundations torn to shreds, on one side of a house could be virtually normal, the other would not exist.

The roads littered with rubble, preventing any car that had survived the horrific events from being able to drive its streets.

It had been days, even weeks, since the clash of government and people, but its effects still remained, and what once were pavements full of friendly people and busy workers, now contained lingering thief's, bankrupt beggars, and the dead. The ones who had not made it. And we would rush by, avoiding their stone cold glares; it was impossible to avoid some days.

We ran because of the complete and utter danger the war zone inflicted on us. There was a daily fear of being bombed just for walking wrong, even glancing at the wrong person. Even if you needed some food, like me and Dan, you had to accept that it was worth your life just to walk home.

But that night, was the night my life would change.

The roads were quiet. Too quiet. I felt sick from unease.

But nothing,

Nothing,

Would prepare me for the hell I was about to go through.

...

The frightful blast pierced the silence of the night, and I threw myself to the ground in a flurry of fear, feeling Dan do the same.

There were a patter of feet coming towards us.

This was it. The end. Just for some damn bread. We were going to be the end. We were going to be mutilated, like the others. For bread.

"UP!" Ordered a woman's voice, in a raspy tone, as if she had lost her voice. I didn't move.

"GET HIM UP AND AWAY NOW! WE DON'T NEED WITNESSES HERE!" She ordered someone else. And sure enough I was dragged to me feet, and I opened my eyes to find Dan.

I most definitely found him.

I found Dan laying on his back on the ground.

He was so still, so quiet.

Dan's eyes were open. Just like the innocent ones. So wide, so... empty.

There was blood everywhere.

Everywhere.

Pouring from his neck, where a gaping hole appeared.

Dan was _dead_.

 **Please let me know how this is! The story isn't going to be about just Phil dealing with death, I promise, I have big plans. Just leave me a review to let me know if I should continue this on, and I'll keep writing it. There's so much more to the plot than you think. New chapters should go up if people like this.**

 **P.S you guys got to know now it can't be a Phanfiction without** __ _ **Dan**_ **(hinting at possible chapters in the future) :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's Chapter 2! I had a couple of friends of school read this and they convinced to upload again, and they also got to read this chapter and chapter 3, and told me not to ask others if I should upload; if I want to do it, then that's my choice - so that's what I'm going to do!**

 **I feel the chapters are very short as compared to my other Fan Fiction, but I hope to be able to keep this one shorter than my other (no promises here!).**

 **Tell me how I'm doing and what you guys like about it/think should happen and I'll keep uploading on a regular basis, although I don't know how regular this may be due to still writing my other Fan Fiction an** **d the growing mount of work from school, and demanding work shifts on the follow up to Christmas.**

 **Thanks!**

 **Phil, present**

* * *

The last time I saw Dan, he was dead.

Just like those buried along the streets. His eyes wide in dead shock. Blood leaking down the street. Gone before he had time to realise.

The two men dragged me away before I had even taken in what I had just seen, throwing me down the edge of some ditch. I didn't move from there for some time, as my body shook. They had just taken away my only friend in this no mans land. We knew people went out at their own rick; we had no choice really, you either died of starvation, or died trying not to die of starvation. It was insane.

Dan and I had been around a few shootings, some happening outside our own door step. But never had we being involved in one with someone we knew. Never someone so close. Never someone like Dan

Life hadn't been normal for some time now. On the news, we had heard a lot of conflict going about fights between the government and people of London and surrounding areas. I still remember the day it all happened. The day that war broke out.

The day our lives had changed forever.

* * *

 **Phil, 1 month ago**

"Hey Dan, come look at this..." I called through the wall of the living room to Dan, who was lingering around the kitchen, obviously snacking.

"Do I have to? I'm eating in here." He sounded annoyed at the effort of moving, but still shuffled in to the living room and hung his head over the front of my laptop. "What am I looking for now, Phil?"

"Here," I stated, pointing at an emergency news article that had sprung up on the BBC website. The headline read

'POLICE AND MILITARY ON STREETS TACKLING CURRENT FEUD BETWEEN GOVERNMENT'.

"Phil, come on, do you seriously believe that crap? Its just a hoax." I looked at him, feeling a little betrayed.

"Dan, its on the BBC. Its gotta be real, they wouldn't put something like that on. Not even as a joke, some people actually take it seriously."

"Well isn't that ironic..."

"Daan!"

"Fine, I'll put the T.V on, look at the man news channels, but honestly you're being a little pedantic here if you ask me."

I had planned to reply with a sarcastic retort, but was cut short by the blaring sounds of the T.V. on its screens, it could only be described as utter chaos. Emergency was blaring out at the bottom of the screen on the main BBC channel, and absolute hell seemed to be breaking loose on the live recording being displayed.

"… As you can see here, totally destruction across the center of London, as the feud between workers and the government escalates to the worst in history. This is not a hoax, the BBC warns everybody watching to remain indoors, as there is the threat and use of fire arms by both sides tonight, and we urge anybody who has neighbors or family members to get in contact with them immediately to ensure your own and their safety..."

The screen shut off randomly, and only showed a blank blue screen lost connection.

"Shit..." I said, feeling sick. We were in the middle of London. We were in the middle of the fight. Firearms. Danger. Fighting.

We were in immediate danger, as our flat lingered on the many busy roads of London, our home would be a prime target if there was one.

I looked down at Dan, who had slid down the wall, his aghast face matching mine. He now believed me, he now understood. This was no hoax. This was the day that changed London.

* * *

 **Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I most certainly did, even just writing it was so cool! Please leave a review if you want more chapters, and Follow/Favorite if you want to be alerted when my new chapter comes out.**

 **Also, check out my other story if you haven't already, called It Takes Two! Find it on my profile :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi! Super short chapter again, and sort of just a filler/thoughts, but when I get more time on my hands I promise longer chapters and more action!**

 **I was meant to upload on Monday, but due to the frightening events going on not just in France but all across the world, I felt it was wrong to upload on such a night. I was also going through my own emotional difficulties, explained in my other Fan Fiction.**

 **I may not upload as frequently either because I am struggling with school work and need to focus on getting that done now more than ever. I need to write chapters too so I'm not writing last minute, but I promise that it will all be done.**

 **Thanks!**

* * *

Phil Present

I rolled over again and again, tossing the uncomfortable thoughts around my head. Every time my eyes shut, my mind depicted a detailed image of Dan. His grief stricken face, the last breath escaping his mouth as I lay there like a coward.

It could have been me. I could have been shot. But it wasn't me. It was Dan. He was dead, and I was alive.

That's what troubled me.

If they wanted no witnesses, then why am I still here. I witnessed Dan dying. So why didn't they kill me? Why didn't they just finish the job and have no repercussions of knowing someone who knew of their disgusting act.

That was something I didn't know.

I rolled over and glared through the blurred darkness at my clock. 4:30am. Three days and I still hadn't slept one bit. He just kept appearing again and again, and sure enough the more I thought about it, the more... strange it seemed.

I remember the numerous murders outside our home. No survivors. They all died, innocent or not. Nothing seemed to add up at all anymore. A part of me told myself that I was just 'lucky'.

I didn't believe that. Phil Lester, lucky? Definitely not a match. Not in this life, anyway.

All the crazed lunatics warned us that hell was coming, and that not one would survive at gun point. They screamed hysterically before the apocalyptic 'revolution'. And now they cackled in glee as their superstitions came to life before our crumbling lives. But not at one point would I ever believe that it would be this type of pain. It wasn't right. It was a pain that made you cripple, and feel so sick, that you wanted to throw up, and the pain lingered in your throat as you forced yourself not to cry, feeling the dry yelps of physical and emotional pain being stirred into one. It was not a sort of pain you'd expect in a war ridden London, that was for sure.

I had to do something, I thought as I sat up.

If I'm alive, then I need to know. I need to know.

Why him? Why the fuck am I here mulling in self god damn pity, whilst my best friend lay murdered in cold blood?

I need to know.

It was so obvious now, and I really didn't know how I hadn't seen it before. They killed Dan. Yeah. I knew that. Captain obvious... but why? Why was Dan dead, and not me? Something didn't feel right, I knew that it was strange. But what had Dan done that was so... bad?

That's it. Too many questions. Too little answers. I pulled on my shirt, and slipped on the jacket and shoes stuffed safely out of sight.

I needed to know why Dan had been killed.

What had gone so wrong.

Why I was suffering with no clue as to why.

I needed to know.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi, yeah its been a while since I last uploaded, but it's all explained on my other Fanfic why I haven't been here, and I want to keep going this this. I hope you all enjoy this, favorite/follow to be alerted when I upload again and review to tell me how I'm doing!**

* * *

Chapter 4

I shrunk along the shadows of the streets for what seemed like hours before I had actually returned to where it had all happened. I was scared. Very scared. The type of scared that Dan would laugh at me for before all this shit happened.

It was bring there and just knowing that had happened there only hours ago. Was it still there? I mean the... blood? Would they just clear up their murderous nature just like the road had been innocent all along? I don't know what would be better though; not seeing the blood and giving me more reason to believe it was all a horrible dream I was stuck in, or seeing the blood, and giving myself a bit of closure to this hell.

The roads were silent again. They seemed even more eerie on my own, knowing what lurked in the shadows already. Thieves. Mad men. And now murderers. Murderers with very specific targets.

I stopped at the corner, hiding from the street light obscured by the smoldering building. This was it. This was where mu life changed only days ago. Here was where I was going to find out why he had been killed in cold blood.

Feeling the anxiety arise, I burst around the corner.

Nothing.

It was just as if there had been nothing here, no hell, and no murder. The lights flickered gently, and the rubble lay undisturbed. Everything was normal. With unease, I rushed over to where it happened. The ground was clear. The bastards had washed the blood away. As if he didn't exist. I shrunk down to the down to the ground and let my head fall. Who was I kidding? I, Phil Lester, solve a mystery. Crack a murder. Yeah, right. Let's just rethink that terrible choice.

What was going to happen now? like an idiot I'm sat out here in this icy cold weather, for no good reason, possibly being targeted by them as I crumble down to the ground, until-

"Are you okay?" said a familiar voice. I looked up, feeling dazed and on edge in the sudden blinding light of a torch being shone in my face. "Oh, sorry! I probably shouldn't flash that in your face, here let me..." the woman who I couldn't see fumble with the torch until it dimmed and I could see her properly.

The woman, or even girl, was of short build, and had a dirtied face with ruffled red hair, matching the recent cuts along her face. Her clothes looked unnatural on her, oversized and much too dirty for here. I couldn't place my finger on why I didn't trust her.

"Yeah, I'm fine I just… nothing. It doesn't matter. I need to go now." I said in a voice only just above a whisper.

I began to walk away, and hadn't even rounded the corner when-

"Hey, wait! I can help" she shouted, running up to me.

"With… what?" how could she know this? We were alone.

"Its hard to explain, but I can help you find your friend. You need to come with me." The woman began to walk away, and looked back, as if to beckon me forward, but I didn't move. I couldn't trust this.

"I don't follow orders from strangers. I don't need your help. I don't even know who you are, I don't even know that I could trust you." Feeling confident, I stared straight into her eyes, but she was just one step ahead of me already. Her eyes rolled and she half turned carelessly.

"Sure, you go on your own, try solve something you aint gonna do on your own. But we have the resources and the information you really need. Or you could struggle and never know why it was him and not you that is dead right now. Your choice." And with that, she marched off, not looking back or expecting me at all. It was my choice, and I didn't know whether to trust her or not. But I had to give it a go. Anyway, what had I got left to live for?

I ran up to her and stumbled repeatedly as she almost floated by, barely skimming the ground in some magical way. I felt clumsy and big next to her.

"So, umm… who exactly are you?" I asked, feeling more and more anxious as we travelled down streets I didn't even begin to recognise.

"You can call me Laura," she shot a confusing look at me, before smiling. "For now."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 **Phil P.O.V**

* * *

We hurried through the desolate streets and took many short cuts that I couldn't begin to imagine where we were now. I had become lost myself only ten minutes ago as we passed through so many unrecognisable buildings and through passages that I thought could not exist. We only stopped as Laura halted before a battered front door to a house that was as war struck as every other that we had passed. We both stared at the door, myself in a state of disbelief. Surely this was some decoy to get me killed.

Laura rounded on me, her eyes serious in the darkness.

"You need to make a deal with me first. This place doesn't exist. Not to anyone, even if they ask. You are entering the place that is keeping you alive and I'll be damned if you go ruining it for everyone by telling every blinder you see. Deal?" she whispered harshly and quickly, so that it was almost impossible to catch every word, but her eyes looked straight into me and glared me down to an agreement.

"D- Deal." I stuttered. We looked directly at each other for a few moments before she pushed the door open.

Inside there was hardly much you could see as abnormal. The walls were harshly scorched, surrounded by carpets which resembled ash rather than fibres they once were. The corridor we had walked into looked like it lead into different rooms, with a heavily damaged staircase taking the left of the corridor, and several doors leading off the right.

Laura quietly shut the door behind her and beckoned me forward, her head turning in every direction warily. We crept down the dim corridor, passing every entrance without any incentive to enter any of these, and before I knew it, I was pulled down to ground by two people.

"Stay still!" one of them hissed at me. The other pinned me to the ground.

"Phil" Laura whispered "It's okay, I forgot they do this. Its routine if they don't recognise someone."

"Shut it!" another voice spoke a few feet away from me.

We were both dragged towards an opening in the ground covered by a hatch, partly yet cleverly obscured by a damaged rug, but before I could see what was down there, a blindfold was put over my face and I lost my sense of direction.

There was a lot of scurried movement in the room where we were dragged. I wasn't even sure if Laura was with me anymore, as I dare not speak out to her. I could only hear what was going around me, from being dragged down what felt like a ditch, with an earthy smell, until I was placed with both feet on the ground and forced to walk. I went through what sounded like a door, where voices could be heard from another room. I almost expected us to go through to the room where the voices were being hear, but soon enough I could no longer hear the muttering and only the movement of several feet as well as my own scuffling across the ground.

It seemed like such a long time until we came to a halt, and I was thrown forward and I fell to my hands and knees blindly. Feeling sick and disorientated, I felt my way along the ground and was picked up and placed into a chair.

The blindfold was removed and I was temporarily blinded by the bright light which wasn't actually as bright as I first thought. The room came into focus and I was I some kind of windowless room with metal grey walls and a door with a heavy lock on it. My eyes began to ache, but I stared past the pain and looked straight at the person in front of me.

Laura.

"I'm so sorry about that, Phil." She did not sound apologetic or even remorseful in any sense. But she did look incredibly different that before. What once were scratches and cuts on her face was now cleared and seeming washed. The clothes were replaced by a smart looking uniform suit, matching the shade of the walls and looking only slightly worn. "Like I said, routine for those they don't recognise. Wanted a good enough explanation and I gave them one."

With great curiosity, I looked around at my surroundings, feeling the heat and humidity of the room growing. It really was dim, and the lighting fixture connected the one of many wires leading along the ceiling and growing through the door.

"I know you're probably wondering what this place is, and I guess it's going to be really difficult to understand, what with everything going on.

"What you see around you is what is most commonly known as the 'good side'. I suppose it's a lot more than this room, but we had to take a length of refuge after the attacks began. We couldn't be out in the open and, but it's in our best wishes to protect those who have been affected, even if they were the initiating cause of all this. It's gotten a little out of hand but we are working on it. This is where most of us stay now and it's not going to be permanent either- you will be allowed to go when its safe for you to, but from now this will be your home."

I looked down at my hands, which were covered in dirt and grazes, and back around them room again. There simply could be no way this was true. Nothing made it even remotely believable. It was a huge decoy, and master plan to wipe me out, because I was a witness t a murder than no one wanted to have spoken about, for whatever reason it was me that was allowed to survive, and now I had to believe some story that I was safe.

"You said that- that you would help me find my friend?" I questioned, suddenly realising the whole reason I was here.

"Yes, actually that's part of the plan. We will find you friend, but we will need you to help us." She replied formally, sitting down on a seat opposite me.

"Wait! So you don't even know where he is? You have no idea at all, and then you lied to try and get my help to find him when I was doing perfectly well on my own?" I burst out angrily. I had enough.

"Was you? Well, I'm pretty sure you'll thank me for my help in then. But yes, we do know where he is, but you are the key person in all of this, and only you can help him now."

For a moment, I felt dazed. They knew where he was, which meant-

"He's not dead." It was more of a statement, I suppose, rather than a question. My eyes moved back to meet Laura's gaze and my eyes questioned her glare. Only then did she show some emotion, and in that moment I knew she knew Dan like a friend rather than another human. Her eyes faltered a little, and it took a moment to compose herself.

"No, no that was just some kind of plan for him to go and do something he would regret. It put you at a greater risk than he must have realised."

"So you will tell me where he is?" my fingers began to tingle in excitement as I realised that this could be more that I thought.

"Better than that. You will help us, and we will help you, and together we will work to find him."

"Tell me everything."


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi! This chapter's going to be quite short but hopefully once I get a clear idea of what I want to do and how I'm going to do it then I'm sure they'll become longer and hopefully better.**

 **Thanks!**

* * *

Chapter 6

So Dan _was_ on the wrong side.

The room was dark and smelt of a cabbage. The sheets were labelled "cotton" yet felt like sand paper. Even the ceiling gave away a bad atmosphere as the dampness hung around the dull lamp, which was attached to the many wires travelling along the ceilings and walls. The room was what you would describe as completely and utterly dull.

It has been hours since I had been left on my own in here, and it had given me time to think.

It all began with the changing of laws leaving thousands struggling, but the backlash had been far greater than feared, and many of those left defending the government had scrambled in efforts to stay alive. Dan had somehow been involved with the side that wanted to take ruling after we lost the security of the government and give new rules, but of a society likened to a prison. And the only reason it seemed like they had only just started is because they had spent months, maybe even years planning it. Dan was also in the very centre of this circle, and existed as one of their finest people.

My part? I had to find Dan and try and change his mind, get him to help us bring normality… but how? Clearly his beliefs remained in a place which would definitely not think before killing me. And somehow, I had to find him, and get him to trust me.

The door swung open, and a woman walked in, with a plastic hospital overall and a small bag, full of dressings. She took one look at me, shook her head sympathetically, and bent over my face at first, washing my cuts and grazes gently as I sat silently avoiding eye contact. My hands stung as the bleeding subdued and they were wrapped tightly in bandages, some of the cuts being days old. After a while, she walked out of the room, but re-entered almost immediately with clean clothes, placing them next to me with a note on top, which read:

 _Put these on, they're clean and you'll blend in with us. Be ready in two minutes – Laura._

I put the button up shirt, grey trousers and jacket on carefully, wondering what on earth was going to happen within minutes.

I was sure that they had told me everything, and I thought about everything I had told them as I laced my surprisingly fitting shoes up. There wasn't much that they had missed either, even down to how Dan wakes up – I said badly but I didn't really know if it was worth believing anymore.

For the second time, the door swung open and Laura strode in confidently as I stood up. I never really remembered how short she was, but I towered her and the other guards, who wore identical suits to mine. She was right, I would blend in.

"We're going to get started immediately. I've spoken with my boss, and he has allowed your stay as long as you're not found in any place you shouldn't be, and that you're with me or someone the whole time."

"So… what is it that I'm starting?" I hadn't realised how soon that I would be involved in this. Laura looked round the corridor outside.

"We can't talk here, there's a room I'm going to take you to with many others who are investigating Howell and his plans. You won't exactly be sat with us all, but you'll be listening to what's being said. It's the first many of the people in there are going to hear about him so I'm sure you'll be able to catch up with it. I'm going to, and I'll try keep close to you to help but I might be needed elsewhere." She looked around nervously again before beckoning me forward.

I followed her and was pursued by the two guards, and we went around many winding corridors and past many rooms until we stopped in front of a slightly larger door, which strangely had no handles. Where they should have been, were blank spaces, and it seemed that there was no way of entry. It wasn't into she stepped to the side, placing a rusted key to what seemed like a normal part of the wall, and for a moment I thought it was some kind of joke, but the doors swung open. What I anticipated as an empty room was actually full of people walking around, finding chairs which stood in rows. The room was quite large, and there had to be at least fifty people shuffling around, chatting and taking up seats.

We didn't hang around the door, and Laura grabbed my arm and pulled me along the back wall, where some of the chairs had been lined up slightly separate from the rest. She motioned me to the shadowy corner on the room where the dim lights struggled to reach all four walls. Sitting down, I hadn't gotten chance to speak before she left me, walking away and disappearing into the groups of people. Once or twice I saw her shaking hands or speaking shadily to others away from the centre, but other than that I was on my own. A couple people looked my way and some others almost started walking over, but I was glad that they were distracted by a person suspiciously similar to those who had followed us here.

Without knowing, I had started working for the secret service.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

* * *

The room quietened down, and finally everybody's backs were facing me.

"We need to get straight to business, so I will say this and will only say this once. There will be no repeating of this information from myself, and I would appreciate it if this information were not passed to others in the future." A man spoke from the front of the room. I could only just see him as the wall was lit by a projector. "You should all know who we are after. Dan Howell is the only way we can get through to the oppositions, and without him we might as well go home".

Dan's picture appeared on the projector screen, but it was much more of a mug shot or a him from what I was used to. The smile was gone, the defining features almost blurred away. His eyes were dark and menacing, and the smile I remembered was nothing more than abandoned.

"Dangerous as he might be, Howell is intelligent. So much so, he knows the ins and outs of us. Very few of you will have been here long enough to remember him working alongside us for around years, but now you all know just how dangerous he is. He doesn't just know us, he knows our tactics, our motives; heck, even our names. He knows just how we like to move. This is why it's so important that we tread carefully. I have agent Holland who will explain the rest for now." The man, who I guessed was just as important as Dan seemed, stepped away from the front. He position was replaced by Laura – which it took me a moment to figure out that she was in fact agent Holland. She looked out carefully for a moment, regaining everybody's attention and meeting my eyes briefly before continuing.

"It's true that Howell knows us more than we know ourselves," She looked up as many people's voices were heard amongst the group "but, as I personally knew Howell myself, we have a greater advantage than we think. This doesn't mean he's any less dangerous – he won't hesitate to put you in pain. But with this information, we have a rite of passage into exactly how he works, just like he does with us." A picture popped up on the screen, and I almost shrieked. On there was a collation of photos of Dan – and me.

All of them were of us in our apartment, either lounging in the kitchen or living room together, or in our own rooms. The pictures seemed to have been taken through the window, one of them looking like it rested somewhere between the TV and the fire place, and ranged in age. Some were old enough to be when we first moved in, all the way up to a few weeks ago. I felt the blood trickle away from my face as I looked down nervously.

"He isn't a fool though" Laura brought me back to reality as her voice rung over the sudden murmur of voices. She glanced over to me, but quickly moved her gaze. "He led a perfectly normal life with his roommate, who wishes to remain anonymous, but did not have any knowledge of his part in the opposition. In fact, it would almost seem that Howell didn't take part in the service anymore, with the amount of time he spent in his new home. But we have much evidence of his participation, including meetings during the night, even paper messages received through what would look like people passing by."

These pictures appeared too, of him leaving our house in the dead of night and taking a small note from a stranger in the busy underground.

"Where is he now though?" a voice called from the front. I could have asked the same question.

"Right now? We don't know. The exact location of the Opposite force is reckoned to be somewhere 8 miles south of here, but in reality we couldn't give you a direct answer. They're everywhere, Howell and the others. They blend in very well, and make no mistake when I say they are good. They can be the person you saw walking to work every morning, to one of your closest friends, who you have known you for many years. But do not allow them to get to you – because they will kill you."

If there was any colour left in my face, it certainly wasn't there now. Another voice called from the rows ahead.

"But why Howell? What makes him so much more important?" a ladies' voice called. Silence dressed the room for a moment.

"Well" said Laura, thinking carefully "Howell is something of a leader, and I suppose you can see why – he knows everything that is to be known, and more. We know that he is pretty much in charge, and if there's anyone we need to be taking down with us, its him."

Voices began creeping across the room as Laura fell quiet, allowing discussing to take place. There was a lot of agreement, those some people looked as if they were going to protest. She stepped down quietly, being replaced by the first person.

"We know this is not normally what we do, but seeing as the circumstances are no longer the same I expect higher expertise in order for your own safety. Therefore, I send everyone away to begin with immediate effect in their area's and those who are to be involved with this case itself will be alerted to attend another smaller scale meeting."

Shuffling of chairs filled the room as people stood almost all at once, chatting to each other loudly and moving towards the door. Some stopped and spoke to others, while I sat in my chair still, unsure whether to stand or to wait here. Luckily I didn't have to wait that long.

"Come on, you can't hang around in here." Laura whispered suddenly in my ear and pulled me up by my arm. She took me along the edge of the wall and quickly pushed me through the door and down a corridor that no one else walked down. We rounded many corners as we did only 20 minutes ago until I found myself back in my room, where Laura followed me. I turned around to see her looking at me strangely.

"I hope that wasn't too much for you." Her tone of voice was strained, but she looked me directly in the eye. "I didn't want to put you in there as soon as that, but getting hold of you was a little tough. I would have told you myself, but we just don't have time for that." I felt very uncomfortable.

"No… I'm just… confused" I mumbled, facing down at the ground.

"I get it, not really knowing who you thought you knew will be confusing. don't let that blind you – many of them in the room don't know it, but you're very important to all of this."

I sat down on the edge of the bed, and avoided her pitiful stares, which seemed forced. She hesitated but followed me to the bed and sat down next to me.

"And what would be doing exactly?" I asked

"Like I said, you're very useful to us, and we will be able to stop what is happening- "she reeled off in what now felt likesome rehearsed phrase that I couldn't bear to hear.

"No, that's not what I mean. I'm asking what _I_ will be doing." I cut across her speech, and she looked at me, again silenced.

"This wasn't really the time and place I wanted to tell you, but we are going to need you to be the one who talks to him. It might mean that for some time you're going to be following him and that it may get to a point where if he doesn't cooperate and if you fail to get his trust that we have to take action. You are the only person we can think of who could have an effect. He's not safe and it risks too much on us trying to talk to him ourselves."

The room seemed almost as dim as it did before, and everything was almost in a grey world. I looked down the dusty floor and didn't speak. Laura did me justice and stood up, walking away towards the door. I watched her feet stop as she reached the door and turn again. She became detached and formal once again, but hr voice was still strained.

"It's late. Try get some sleep and we can deal with everything tomorrow." The door closed behind her.

For a few hours, I laid in bed by my eyes were heavy and sore with tears and frustration. I knew tonight, much like every other night, would be sleepless and long.

Dan was certainly a stranger, alright. From the beginning, he was…someone else. My throat began to hurt and I felt my chest tighten as I held back the next round of tears veering. There was something about this pain, something that I could quite understand, but it was a pain that was beyond imagination.

Knowing that Dan was dead was one kind of pain.

Knowing that Dan was out there somewhere, being someone who was a stranger to me but real to himself was another kind of pain. A whole other kind of pain that rested on my like chains so heavy I couldn't bring the effort to breathe.

This pain was beyond words that could describe. It was worse than pain anybody could ever imagine.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sort of a filler chapter, I promise its absolutely going to lead up to something, I just keep getting new ideas at random times - say three in the morning - and I cant seem to function at any other time.**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

One moment my eyes were shut, the next – I looked rather dismally at the food in front of me. It was rather dull and bland, but it was all they had.

I hadn't touch it for the last half an hour, and I watched as people around me sat down and stood up, some of them looking at me with rather concerned faces as they ate. Luckily the room was not quiet and I felt that any distraction would be minimal.

"We aren't trying to poison you, if that's what you're thinking." A voice spoke from behind my ear.

I spun around to find Laura standing by me, her arms full of paper. She didn't smile as she looked around the rest of the room. I was much closer to the corner, away from the rest of the population, and as she sat down she seemed to perch herself on the edge of her seat rather uncomfortably as though she would jump up at any moment.

"I don't want you to think of this as a bad thing" she said quietly looking at me briefly and looking away.

"It's rather difficult when I know I haven't got a choice in this."

"You could at least try to act like you want to help."

With great effort I looked up at her, feeling annoyed and tired. She continued to look around the room, but when we made eye contact again I looked down at my food, remaining untouched. "Don't feel too bad about it, we just need your help with this. It will be for the better, I promise, and when it's over, then you both can leave – no strings attached."

"Us both?" I questioned, feeling confused.

"Yeah, both of you, you and Dan." She continued to look at me, "What? You think we are going to actually take him away from you? Not our aim. Once Dan is out the way, we can focus on more important things. He is the main person there, but if you do your job then they should weaken their defences."

"And what if I can't do it?"

Even though it wasn't a rhetorical question, silence did fall between us for another few minutes. While I continued to look disappointingly at my food, Laura made many motions to talk. Finally, she built the confidence to speak again.

"There's no such thing as can't. I'm not saying that because I'm being all motivational either, but if you want to live, you will do this." She inhaled, as though she was speaking with a mouth of nails "Plus I have every faith in you and that you can do it." She stood up suddenly as if someone, and walked to the other side of me where she stopped. "if you're not going to eat, we might as well start now and get going."

Without hesitation, I stood up and followed her through the doors and out into the empty corridor, once again winding down room after room, until we finally reached a door.

"Listen carefully, you might not feel like it but you're involved in something very important. They might want to ask you questions but you need to understand that it's only to help find out where he could be precisely and what he is doing there, capiche?" she said in one whole breath.

"They?" I was confused, but she did not elaborate and immediately opened the door, which the room within gave off a completely different atmosphere to the rest of the place.

First of all, it was dim and felt heavy with heat and moisture, even more than the rest of the place. The room was still equipped with the wiring that trailed the ceiling, but the walls were almost completely covered by office cabinets which were almost bursting full, with various items piled on top of them. At the end of the room were several computers attached to the walls, which had many notices and pictures that I couldn't make out. The middle of the room had a large, oval shaped desk surrounded my various chairs and was once again covered in many items and papers which littered around the floor. Inside were about nine others who were tending to different desks and muttering quietly amongst themselves.

"What is all of this?" I asked, confused.

"Well, most of what you see is the work we have done so far to track down the other corporation, which we have to refer to as Red as a security purpose." She said in a matter-of-fact tone, walking in and placing down her armful of paper in the over flowing desk. I stepped in after her, and felt the heat immediately. The door closed immediately after me and I looked around quickly, standing in one place. She walked back towards me and showed me to the wall at the end of the room which she pulled a sheet from, revealing a large and heavily annotated map of the district of London I lived in.

"Here is where we are right now" she spoke, pointing at the yellow marker at the bottom of the map, "and all of these (she pointed at several red markers) are possible placed we are considering for it to be likely to find Howell."

"What are all of the bits of string for?" I looked intently as they weaved in and around each other.

"the white string are ways we are safest to travel to our points of interest" the white string all traced from here, moving along fine roads and led to all the different red markers. "and the black string tells us where not to go under any circumstances." She looked back at me as I traced back to my home, which was guarded in a circle of black string.

I couldn't go home.

"Any way, you probably won't need to see this just yet – we need to make some of the markers disappear. Places he wouldn't go, places that don't make sense. Places we can afford to visit otherwise we would draw too much attention."

Laura walked back to the centre of the room, and pulled two chairs out from the desk. She gestured for me to sit down opposite and as I did she rooted out a bunch of battered folders, each in red and incredibly full.

"I'm just going to talk to you at first, ask you about a few things. It might take a while but it'll help us narrow everything down. I'm going to start with ne folder and we will make our way through all of these until we can make some matches, okay?" she didn't look at me as she flicked through the first one.

I nodded when she looked up.

The first folder, it seemed, was very much focused on a shop maybe half a mile from where we had lived. We were there a few times a week, normally to buy food we had somehow forgotten. It was the same place we went after everything went wrong, were we found food and water to survive on when we realised that the food we had was just not going to last very long.

For hours, we sat there, question after question, some I would speak for a long time, others I couldn't answer myself.

"How well did you know the man who worked there?"

Well I didn't know him, that was the problem. He was rather small, with ruffled hair and an aged face. Maybe in his late 40's – but I didn't know him. Something about that place, about the people who were there, these people didn't like. Laura moved onto what felt like thousands of other questions, like who did I see in the shop, what did it look like… until finally she shut the folder and sealed it, chucking it aside.

Laura stood up quickly and moved the map.

"Scratch the shop, Peterson. It's a no lead."

She ripped down the first red marker and white string.

Five left.

I was lying in bed, finally, as my back ached and my head hurt. Without speaking, I skipped dinner and was escorted to my room, where I changed and turned off the lights. The scratchy bed sheets itched by arms and neck, and the whirring of the wires kept eyes open, but sleep was too far away.

How many days I was going to be here, how many weeks, months; I didn't know. All I did know was that I was already one step closer to finding Dan. My only problem?

I didn't know how I was going to ever change him.


	9. Chapter 9

Dan P.O.V

At midnight I was sat central to the room, waiting. My back was facing the door, where light poured in suddenly. Standing up, I stretched my legs and walked around to see a man cowering on the floor, his cloths askew and covered in dirt. He was knelt with his hands on the ground, and blood dripped from his face to the floor. I smiled slightly, inhaling with a sneer.

"Long time, no see, Peterson. I thought we had lost you."

He remained on the floor.

"See, I had received this absolutely radical information – completely shocking, as it was – that you had really left us, see?" he quivered as I paced around him, my eyes looking harshly down at him. "And I'm sure you didn't want to give the wrong impression, going and deceiving me like that. Making me look the fool for recruiting a snitch." His head raised a little as he steadied himself.

"I-I was tr-trying to help, b-by going and f-finding out what they were-"

"Lies" I hissed at him. My foot collided heavily with his side and he rolled over in agony as his chest cracked.

"so, what was it really like over there? I imagine they didn't know who you were really working for, and I'm sure I would have been news to them to know you were stealing information, much like it was to me."

"Please, j-just let me- " his voiced was barely a whisper as he rolled over. My stomach turned as I saw the blood and cuts on his face. I looked away.

"Let you what? Live?" I laughed manically, "You know that's not how we work around here, don't you? You know what we do those who pose a threat. In fact, you're the one who used to dish out these punishments, so what shouldn't you have a taste of your own medicine."

He whimpered and tried to pull himself up, but his legs which were n worse state than his face were too weak, and he fell to the floor again.

The two men who were in the shadows behind the doors emerged and grabbed the pitiful man from under his arms, pulling him up and dragging him away from me. His shrieks became loud and almost inaudible, until I heard-

"He's there, your friend" both the men stopped and looked at me as I spun around.

"Who" I asked intently.

"T-The one you always t-talk about. Phil Lester. H-He's there, we took him a few d-d-days after you returned and he's helping them." He tried to pull away and moved but the grips on his arms were strong.

I remained quiet for a moment, before walking quickly to the door, stopping next to Peterson.

"the penalty remains for you. Get it over with."

They pulled him out of the room, his shrieks become loud again. after they all disappeared from sight, I ran to the only room I could make sure that tonight wasn't going to be a big mistake.

The door flew open and I stepped into the mostly empty room, where only one person sat.

"Listen to me" I hissed at the man, who lifted his head and upon seeing me shot to his feet. "where is everyone tonight, where are they sent?" he thought for a moment, and said words I knew I didn't want to hear.

"They on their way to ambush the opposite base sir. The one in the south that have been tracking us."

I ran out of the room, my heart rushing as fast as my feet as I pulled my jacket around me and my hood up, breaking in the cold air.

I stopped as a gunshot filled the air.

Peterson's shrieks stopped immediately.

* * *

Phil P.O.V

My eyes were so heavy, so very heavy. Yet I could not sleep.

The figure twisted in the darkness tranced about dreamily in front of me, but no matter what, sleep would not come over me. Not to mention the numerous footsteps passing by my door, which was locked and guarded. I could hear them shuffle outside, and I felt conscious about it.

My eyes ached badly.

When I closed my eyes, I knew was not dreaming, but I could see his face etched in the underside of my eyelids. He was smiling and happy, but I couldn't imagine his eyes, the colour or the shape anymore. I felt plagued by this other person, this heartless being who seemed to bring horror with every step, and now I felt I couldn't imagine Dan being that person, or that person being Dan.

I took a deep breath and yawned widely.

I knew when I couldn't sleep, I liked to think back on days where everything was normal and fine. No warzone. No deaths. No worrying. Back when I could wake up and make breakfast with my best friend, eat food that was somewhat edible, and actually live rather than just survive. That was when life was worth living. Now it's just hell.

I tugged at the sheets, pulling closer to my face and shuffling to find warmth.

Outside my room, there were more odd noises than usual, keeping me awake. Voices were louder and almost audible, their footsteps passing by my door. It became more and more busy, which was unusual for this time. Spending most nights awake with fear, I had become used to the usual sounds, but I knew tonight was especially strange.

My door creaked open, but I lay still, hoping that whoever it was would go away. They didn't.

Instead my arm was shaken so much that I thought that someone trying to throw me through the wall. I sat up as if I had just been electrocuted, and saw Laura kneeling next to me.

"We need to get you somewhere else." She hissed, looked back at the door, which was slightly ajar.

"What?" my voice sounded throaty and tired, even though I hadn't slept one bit.

"Come on, up. Put some other clothes on, quickly. I'm going to take you to a different a place." I felt like asking more questions, but the desperate look on her face that I had never seen before convinced me to silently pull on some trousers and a jumper over my shirt. I had no idea where I was going.

Laura pulled my arm the second I slipped my shoes on and we were scuttling down the corridor, Laura running oddly barefoot and he hair down for the first time, and it made her look different.

We were rounding down corridors I still didn't know existed until I was met at a hatch above us by 4 of the people from the room I was interviewed. One of them was missing.

"We're going to go outside, and when we do, you remain silent. Understand?" said one of the males to me and I nodded nervously.

One person stepped up the ladder, slowly pushing the hatch up and looked out. I felt the cool air brush my face, and I inhaled the freshness, feeling instantly better. After the second person stepped up and emerged into the open, Laura moved forward and beckoned me to follow, which I did, stepping carefully on the creaking ladders, and stepped out behind Laura, who was already way ahead, and it took me several strides to catch up with her. She was fast approaching the door in the creepy house we first entered what felt like such a long time.

But before we could even reach the door where two men had already gone through, Laura shrieked and pushed me back, my head hitting the ground. There was an extremely large sound, and then silence.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

* * *

 **Phil P.O.V**

When I next opened my eyes, I was back in my room.

For a moment, I remained frozen, not too sure what had just happened. But once it was clear, I sat straight up.

"Hey, lay down, you'll do yourself another injury"

My head hurt, the pain spreading like a wild fire down my neck. I sat back obligingly, my eyes feeling heavy again. The light was unbearably bright and I turned my head to the side, seeing Laura sat next to me. Her face looked just as painful, a graze surrounded by blue and purple contusion down the left side, her arm in pursuit being held up by a thing sling. She sat oddly to one side, acting as if she was uncomfortable.

"Another… what do you mean?" my leg began to ache around my knee, even sting a little. She looked sympathetically at me with uncertainty, choosing her words carefully and smiling through painful eyes.

"Don't worry about it now. You'll be okay you just need some rest." She tugged up the covers on me, straightening them a little as if she didn't know what to say.

"No… somethings wrong… I can tell" my eyes strained as I looked up at her, half worried, half determined to I find out why she, of all people, was acting this strange. Her eyes began to fill with water and she looked down at the floor, her hand touching mine briefly. She sniffed, looked back up and sighed. "tell me" I begged. She didn't meet my eyes. "Is it…"

"No. not exactly. We didn't see him there, he wasn't involved. As far as we know, he's okay." She breathed in slowly, thinking hard. "Phil, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault." She sobbed slightly, but carried on. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. One minute you were right there, right behind me. The next, I have no idea, I just know when I come around, you were u-under" she couldn't carry on, the tears cascading down her face now as she looked down. I pushed myself up knowing it couldn't be true, pain stinging down my back and my knee. It became excruciating.

Laura didn't stop me this time, just put her hand back on mine.

"I'm _so_ sorry, Phil. I wanted to help you, but I couldn't. It's my fault this happened to you." She spoke between suppressed sobs now, slowly pulling the sheets down.

My left leg was revealed, but my right leg was not as I was expected. It didn't have any marks or bruising. There was no stitches or bandages. In fact, there was nothing there, from below my knee it was gone.

I had lost my leg.

The shock seemed to replace the blood which drained from my face as I sat and stared at what once was mu right leg now just blooded bandages cupping the stub which seared with pain. I didn't want to touch it; I didn't want to see it. It couldn't be real. None of this could be real anymore.

Laura straightened up, taking a deep breath and wiping her eyes before turning around and closing the door as she left, leaving me alone in the room. The silence was almost too loud once I had managed to absorb the shock, the reality of what this really was. I could feel tears already starting at the back of my eyes, but I was too far done with that. The pain was there, and it was greater than the physical pain I felt just breathing.

Dan had gone too far. Because this wasn't just bringing him back from the other side. This wasn't an exchange of words, a convincing message from fear and pain. This was a war, a war that he had started, and surely, couldn't finish. He' taken too much from the people here, the people who were so innocent of their crimes that they would suffer his uncanny wrath.

People had lost their _lives_ because of him. They had lost their families and friends, who were just as innocent as the next, being thrown into a war which non had fought for. and now he had gone too far. Too much was at stake, and as soon as I spoke to him, the moment he came back, I would never speak to him again. we can go our separate ways, and he can do whatever he wants.

I don't care anymore.

Everybody here seemingly acted odd around and toward me. They didn't speak to me, but they did talk. They knew who I was. they knew why I was here. I was the guy associated with someone who brought destruction to their lives – and I had no clue about it. I never had the slightest idea that he would be a different person.

* * *

A few hours later, the door swung open, and a woman walked in who I had never seen before, but it was clear she was a doctor.

"Ah, you're awake." She said in a dull and disinterested tone, barely looking at me, and brushing past to place down an over filled bag and start emptying it contents. Laura followed her in slowly, her eyes looking less puffy, but she didn't look at me either; rather at the ground.

I tried to sit up, but a perfectly timed hand pushed me back down firmly, and the elder woman knelt next to me and began t slowly unwrap the bandages which bonded the remainder of my leg.

"Come here girl, he's going to need more than watchful eyes!" she called to Laura, who jumped from the back wall and rushed over to my side. She looked into my eyes sympathetically.

"Wh… What are you doing?" I asked unsurely. The lady looked at me with sharp eyes, looking as if she was bored out of her mind.

"Just to check how its healing. Much prefer that you weren't awake, not the most pleasant of things. Never mind, it'll be over soon" she carried on pulling apart the bandages, which I looked away from as I saw red.

I was about to ask what she meant, but a sharp intake of breath confirmed that I had not felt the worst of the pain yet. The pain, it was so excruciating, it burnt like fire throughout my whole body, and I knew moments later I couldn't hold my breath any longer. I sob loudly as I allowed breath to escape me, which turned into a cry out loud. Someone grabbed my hand which I squeezed very tightly. My eyes were shut tight, the room spun in a flurry of fear and regret, spinning round and round. The pain only got worse as it seared like acid corroding through my skin into my fingertips.

It was a hell that was surely did finish, and I was left panting and in cold sweat in my bed. I couldn't bear to open my eyes, I was too weak and too frightened to do such a thing. The pain was a terrible throbbing sensation, all the way through my body, and it created a sense of loss – I had lost everything. My life. My leg. Everything.

* * *

 **Dan P.O.V**

What in the _world_ were you thinking?" Hissed I under my breath.

A heavily built man stood in front of him. His face was bloodied and matted in dirt that had since dried and faded. Rather in contrast to his manly build, he stood rather subdued and turned away, as if he was scared. He did not answer.

"I asked you a question!" my roar crescendo, moving straight into the young man's face. He was not older than 20, but his face, although creased, managed to stay set in stone. "Do you not want to live? Are you as stupid to pull this shit in absence of my orders?" We made eye contact, my stare maddening and strong, his weak.

"You asked us to… attack their fronts, sir. It was your last command." I stepped back, face calming and body relaxing as I took slow steps circling the man.

"But you knew just damn well that wasn't my last command, didn't you?"

"Sir, the message must not have reached us in time." The man's eyes fell in uncertainty.

"Lies. You are nothing but a liar." Reaching the front of the man again, my hand entered my pocket.

The man cleared his throat uncomfortably and shuffled his feet.

"I promise you, we did not get any message. We were just following what you had told us."

I glared at the excuse for the man standing in front of me. The sweat was just pouring off of him.

From the inside of my pocket, I pulled out my gun. With its blood stained silver and loaded barrel, I raised it slowly, reaching until it was aiming straight at his head.

"Would you like to know how I know that you're lying?" I asked softly, tilting my head and smiling subtly. He did not speak back. He didn't even look me in the eye.

"the messenger watched you ignore the order. He looked on as you second glanced and ignored what they said. You killed innocent people because you want to enjoy it. oh, and one more thing."

I stepped once closer to him, the silencer inches away from his head.

"I was the messenger"

I looked away, and moments later, his lifeless body was staining my floor.


	11. Chapter 11

"That's it now, just put the weight on your arms now" Laura spoke encouragingly as she pulled me to my feet. I wobbled dangerously, gripping onto her arm for support, but slowly straightened my back. She pulled away slightly and slowly let go off me. For the first time in months I could stand. The crutches had been salvaged from somewhere and I could finally move from this dreaded bedroom.

Laura had tried to spruce it up a little, putting in some little bits and bobs such as mini toys she found onto the small cabinet. It didn't do much for the room, but oddly it was enough to keep me going. She shifted the bag out my way which she had brought in with her, and beckoned me forward.

I looked down nervously at the weakened looking crutches, which had the sense of going through more than I had. They were battered and ready to disintegrate – they were also all that I had.

"Ready to go?" She asked, straightening herself and rerunning to her formal mask. Laura pulled at the heavy door and held it while I fumbled with my hands, trying very hard not to fall. I managed to the door very slowly and stepped out, feeing the new environment wash away the murky nature of my room. It felt so much better, the air was cleaner and I felt just as if I hadn't breathed for months. The corridor was rather loud as we made our way silently down many winding paths, gradually approaching the doors I recognised.

When we stepped in I realised that something was going on which I had no anticipated. The paper-shed table was gone, instead replaced by pictures that I had not seen before. some of them were crossed out and annotated on, and were surrounded by various chairs which were instead piled by crumpled papers. Rather peculiarly the walls were bare and painted over, hinted at by the smell of gloss hanging in the air. To the left of the room bags were in a small pile.

"What's going on?" I asked curiously, eyeing the bags in particular. They had only been packed a few hours, I just knew it. Laura ignored my question.

Instead she pulled me forward to the questionable pile of pictures in the centre. It would have come to no surprise if they were once again pictures of Dan, but I was taken aback when various buildings came into view. I looked around at all of them, some being just solitary buildings I had never seen before. others I recognised from the roads where we lived, including the neighbouring flat. My eyes did not hesitate until one photo sprung into sight.

It was partially obscured by a photograph of the nearby laundrette, but once I noticed it could not have been more obvious. Looking intently at the photo, I almost smiled, thinking of the memories I had with it. the front of the building was just like any other shop, except this one was hidden far around the corner of the main street so that no one really knew it was there unless they had gone on a search for hidden shops. The red front, which would have normally stuck out on a busy shopping street actually complimented the front well, blending into the red brick walls. The windows were covered in band pictures and the door wedged open by a small novelty cat. I reminisced on a particular memory; until a hand swooped down and snatched the photo from the ground and held it closer to my face.

"What's so important about this?" Laura asked sharply.

"S-sorry?" I stuttered, utterly confused.

"This," she brandished the sheet in front of me. "You looked at it longer than any of the others. It clearly is important or you would have looked straight past it like it were nothing." She looked impatiently at me, waiting for my reply.

"Yeah, I mean, it's where we went the first time we were in London. The day we moved in." I thought intently on the day.

"And is it important at all? To Dan?"

"Well of course. We were there many times, it's our favourite place." I answered, unsure of what I said being any help.

That's when it clicked.

We had found Dan.

* * *

23rd July 2012

Dan stepped ahead of me, excited and nervous at the same time. We had never been to London like this, but I needed a drink that wasn't bottled water or service station coffee. We had planned to go and find a coffee shop, but I knew that wasn't going to happen.

Dan had done his new house research and found the shop he had spent his whole life looking for. except it was in the town centre. And we had moved in today.

"Wait! Dan, we don't know where we are!" I stumbled to keep up, but Dan's eyes were not on me and didn't notice me knock into several people in order to catch up, map clenched in my hand. "I think we took a wrong turn" I spoke out loud, looking intently at the miniscule lines weaving in the town centre. I began to look up. "We should have made a left up here- "

Dan was not in front of me, and I spun on my aching legs in panic, thinking that I had in fact made the wrong turn, and he was still absent-mindedly waltzing around the winding streets looking for this mystery. I was just beginning to jump the worst when-

"Gotcha!" Dan jumped out and grabbed my arm and I froze in utter shock, dropping my bag and the map to the ground and scowling.

"That's. not. Funny. Dan I could have gotten lost- "

"But I've found it" He pulled at my arm, which I had no choice but to follow.

"Found what exactly?"

"You'll see, one minute"

We moved in and out of people and slipped in to a side road which nobody seemed to notice. Suddenly all of the noise cancelled out and it was incredibly silent. The walls were overbearing and created a shadowy effect as we rounded the corner and stopped straight in front of the shop that we had wasted almost two hours looking for.

The crimson red front stood out like a fire in the dingy alley, bringing out all of the magnificent colours in the window. Posters and flyers artistically covered the front of the games shop, boasting every type of game for every type of interface going. Along the floor of the window display were little figurines of super heroes and story protagonists from super popular movies to anime TV shows.

"Come on, I wanted to actually look at what they sold here, not gloat at the pictures!" Dan still had a hold of me, and I was further dragged in the most awesome looking shop I had ever seen.

Things hung from the ceiling, drapes along the walls bearing many marks for every occasion, shelves of movies, games and comics that I had never even imagined could have existed. The lights, partially blocked, were casting eerie yet mood setting atmosphere across the small floor, which led to a set of downward leading stairs.

As I walked along, absolutely dumbfounded by everything I was seeing, I traced my hand from shelf to stand, staring at every possible gadget and figuring you could ever imagine. It was immense, yet so amazing. We walked straight through to the stairs, myself following Dan without thinking. My eyes cut across a sign that pointed out a café down the stairs.

The café itself was just as amazing. Although warm and a little damp from being underground, the cramped tables covered in comic themed clothes were almost filled and incredibly busy, with people making their way around with drinks and food alike.

Sitting down was a task. But finally we allowed ourselves into a corner of the shop, just managing to squeeze past before someone notices the vacant seats too.

"Dan, where in the world did you find out about this place" I asked slowly, my voice raised slightly to meet the loud noises around me.

"I knew you would like it, isn't it just so cool?" Dan replied, exasperated. His eyes were just as distracted as mine, tracing all the details of the room. we must have spent another ten minutes eyeing each and every detain we could see before we looked at the menu quickly.

Our coffee's arrived not long after, mine drowning in cream and his with a side of toast. We smiled and made our way through our drinks, laughing and joking about the super tiny dancing Batman borders tracing the room. Finally, our happiness came to an end as we emptied our cups and looked around at the room, also emptying.

Stepping into the darkening air outside, I had just forgotten how long we were sat in there. Hours had passed as we talked about our new home and the city, forgetting all that we left behind.

I could tell our lives were going to be perfect from that moment on.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

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The air met my face for the second time in a long time – this time we made it out alive. The road we walked onto was not as familiar as I had hoped, but it surely was the way out of my prison for what hopefully was the final time.

I was on my own, but I knew others were coming. I just had to follow the instructions and go to the right place. Laura had told me that we couldn't go out as a group, not even as pairs, so we all left at separate intervals, myself just before Laura, who had to walk a separate way to avoid being caught.

The was a lot more rubble on the road than I first remembered. When I looked back at the seemingly normal house id just emerged from, I could see why – part of it had been torn down and was now creating a fifty-foot-wide maze surrounding the house. Numerous time I had to divert around lumps of concrete that had spanned out further and further. I turned left down a side street.

My leg wasn't helping any matters. Even though I had become quicker at walking now, it was still an incredibly slow and tedious thing to do, having to use the crutches to put almost all of my weight on, especially when my right leg began to ache and it hurt to move using my shoulders.

The road was almost at an end now, and I was ready to make my way through to the shaded area into a concealed house where we would all meet. But I stopped in the centre of the road.

Did I really want this? Did I really trust the team who I went out with, including Laura, not to shoot on sight? I mean, they were going to see a man who possibly was responsible for some of their friend's deaths, some of the disappearances of family; of course they were going to try and kill him. I looked around me, watching out for the team who were surely looking out for me. I couldn't trust them.

I quickly went across to the right, ducking beneath a fence with difficulty, knowing if I felt to my knees, I would most definitely struggle getting myself up. Peering around the edge of the house, I watched out for Laura, who would follow up just moments after I should have arrived. Sure enough, she approached the same spot as I but from the opposite direction as planned, and moved towards the house further along, ducking through the window and out of sight.

Moving now would be the number one mistake. By now they would have figured out that something was wrong, that I would have not made my arrival. They would give me a few minutes because I was half as fast as they were, and would need time to get there. But eventually, thy would realise that I wasn't going to turn up, and in fact I would never arrive at that place. Right now I would have to wait.

Sure enough, ten minutes later, Laura slowly and cautiously emerged into the road. She walked back the way I walked to the spot, and she disappeared from sight. Just like we left, each man walked from the building and returned to what I hoped would be base. To regain safety before venturing out – they didn't know where I was and I was sure that they certainly wouldn't risk it now to try and find me, whether I had gotten lost, kidnapped or, funnily enough, made an escape.

Once they had all gone (I had counted all 5 of them) I pulled myself slowly up and straightened, leaning on the wall carefully and picking up my crutches which I had thrown to the floor in disgust. Now they had all gone, I had the chance to move, the chance to really find Dan, and take both of us away from all of this hell. The grass in the back yard I was stood in was over grown and tangled, and it took me a few moments to locate my way out of the jungle and onto a path that led from behind the houses into the centre of London. I had to find that shop, the shop with the comic fan figures and comic books and everything related to super heroes and anime you could imagine. It was the only place I could think Dan would go, a place where only he would know to be safe and hidden, yet a sentimental place that he could survive in just from the meaning.

I trailed the streets, the pain growing more and more intense by the minute as the sores on my hands began to bleed, and my knee was numb with moving. I couldn't stop now; I knew I was too close it give up.

Spots in my eyes began to show, and I moved to the edge of the pavement, where I leant against the wall, looking out into the rubble covered road where the building across from me. It was getting dark now, and the shadows cast from the walls began to get darker and more sinister. I dragged myself along the edge of the wall and around the very familiar corner into the dingy alley, which was more dark and frightening that I remembered. I pulled myself along the edges of the wall, until I came face to face with what I had been looking for. But it was not what I had expected.

The red was burnt to a charcoal black, half of the original framing mixed in with the shattered glass that lay on the floor. Most of the wall had gone down and the building remain in tatters.

I was wrong about it, about it all. Dan couldn't be here.

The black dots covered my sight, and I fell to the ground, exhausted.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you to everyone who has been a part of this journey of a story, and even though the next chapter may be its last, the story will live on in my world.**

 **I left a note especially today because I passed my driving test just this afternoon, and I wanted something to look back on if I go back to this story one day myself to read, many years ahead. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and the next - and final - chapter will be up on Saturday evening (British Time Zone). A big thank you to my lovely friend Claire (ClaireBear1982) for not only following my journey through this and my other stories but for putting up with me and my anxiousness for such along time, you're literally the best and it means so much to me that you are so kind.**

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Chapter 13

Phil P.O.V

I was awakened to the feeling of being dragged, my arms crushed under the vice grip they had on me. My body dropped to the floor and I heard the door shut and lock behind me. I had no idea where I was. the floor was cold and hard, gazing my side where I landed.

"What are you doing here" hissed a voice from ahead. My face was pressed against the ground, and couldn't seem to lift it. his voice was like drugs to my addiction.

My fists dug into the ground, and I forced myself to sit up and look him in the eye. The anger built.

"This is… all your fault." He was in the shadows, his hood concealing his face from the little light that flowed from the ceiling.

"I made sure that you wouldn't try and look for me" his voice still hissed, as if he was furious.

"Yeah, that's when I thought you were dead, Dan" I shouted out at him.

"How did you find out?"

"Your friend, Laura, found me. She was lucky, I would have died that night. I was ready to die, and it would have been in vain." It hurt so much to talk to him, the anger built up more than ever.

Dan stood up and stepped towards me, lowering his hood gently. He was confused.

"You wouldn't" he stammered, voice sounding frightened. I had the control now "You… couldn't"

"Oh really? I watch my best friend die in front of me. I suffer every night, not knowing how to live because I'd lost the only thing that mattered. I don't eat, I don't drink. I just suffered. Don't tell me you would have done any different." Although I was still on the ground, fighting with the pain, I felt that I finally won him over. He'd gone too far and now I had the control I could make him see everything he had done.

"I wanted to protect you." He whispered, doubling over until he was crouched. Head in hands, Dan did not show his face.

There was a heavy silence in the room that blanketed my voice. I heard him sniff, and was convinced that he was crying, but he didn't move from that spot. I couldn't bring the strength to lift myself, but hovered in the same place. I had so much to say to him, so much anger to show. It had boiled inside me, silenced for some time, but when he did this to me, when he took a part of me away, the anger was more apparent and I could finally understand why this was so important. So many people saw him as heartless and cold. There was no doubt that this was who he really was. but I wanted him to feel that pain. The pain of all those he caused suffering for. he had to know what he had done to many, understand just how messed up all of this was. he deserved to feel the pain I felt.

"When I found out you were alive; I wasn't angry like I am now." Dan looked up at me "in fact, I didn't have time to be surprised because I didn't really know the man they told me about. he wasn't Dan. He was this monster who created hell with each step." I whispered to his face.

"Please, Phil…" Dan begged.

"This person created hell from where ever he was, he took away innocent lives, ruined families. And he was wanted for these crimes. He was wanted for creating hell in an already ruined place. I began to forget who my friend Dan was, and learn about you"

"Please, enough…"

"You know what they did to me? They took me away, wouldn't let me free. I had to stay in a locked room, act like I was one of them. And the interrogation – it went on for hours. Finding places that weren't even remotely close to either of us and spending hours asking question after question, trying to track you down. I had to go through all of that. Do you know how I felt? Do you even care?"

"Phil, I'm sorry" he raised his voice.

"You were one of them, weren't you? Work alongside Laura. Part of the good side, I suppose. I mean, they saved my life before I knew it was really going to end, and they helped me through more than what you seemed willing to do. But it wasn't enough for you. They weren't enough to keep you happy. So you went to someone else, where they fulfilled your… needs."

"Stop…" he was almost shouting now, his hands shaking, but I had no intention to stop. I matched his voice, raising it and digging my hands into the ground.

"And then, a few weeks ago, I learnt the full extent of your wrath. The base I was at was attacked by no other than your faction."

"That wasn't my fault-" I cut him off.

"They messed up everything there. They had to shut down everything they had on you because you managed to cause that much damaged. Not the base. To the people. You killed people, you caused hell and ruined many lives. People died because-"

Stop! I'm sorry! Phil, I'm so sorry!" he stood up in anger, walking away from me. "I don't want to hear any more. Please." Dan's back was facing me, his head down. Now was the time to show him what he had really done, what he had really taken away from me.

I began to push myself up, struggling my way up the wall with shakes and pain. My right leg was aching against the pressure I put on it, but I was determined to show him what his mistake had done.

My side grazed against the wall and I moaned in agony. Dan looked over and saw me in pain, dragging my arms upon the wall to try and balance myself on my remaining leg.

"No…"

"This is what you did to me, Dan," I replied to his whisper. He didn't move, just glared heartbroken at me, looking down at my leg.

"Noo… I didn't mean for this to happen… I was trying to protect you!"

"And look what happened. You fake your own death, leave me for dead, and then try and kill me anyway. I don't get how you were trying to protect me if you were seconds from killing me."

"No, that's not what happened" Dan moved toward me, and put his hands on my arms, both holding me steady and crushing me. His touch was not what I had expected. What once was a gentle touch being now a harsh, painful grab that made me want to be as far as possible from him. I tried to pull my arms away from him, but my unsteady stature and his penciling grip told me otherwise.

"Then… what. Happened." I spoke through my teeth, mostly in anger.

"I didn't tell them to do that, they went against my orders. By the time I got there, the damage had already been done, half the street was in chaos, I managed to stop them but I couldn't take back what I had done. I only hoped that you weren't caught in this, that you were safe. By that time, I already knew you were there, but I didn't know what you were doing, why they took you. Until now. Now I know that they were trying to find me, trace me through you." He cried, looking into my averted eyes. He didn't convince me, and I knew I couldn't believe him.

"But if I was the reason you could be found, then you would want me to be gone. I'm the one thing that creates a risk for you." I said, biting my lip. The sadness filled me, knowing that right now, right here, he could kill me. "You killed others, yes?" our eyes met, mine showing no emotion as much as I could muster.

"That's not the point-"

"Yes?"

"I don't think that-"

"Dan, answer me or I will do something will really regret!" my voice cracked like a whip across the room. he shuddered and loosened his grip, causing my knee to buckle under the sudden weight. I grabbed onto his arm and he grabbed me back quickly. We were half way to the ground already.

His eyes wandered down to the ground, and I knew the answer already. The guilty look, the difference in his physique and his face, which was no longer soft to touch. It was rugged with lines of stress and tired patches. It had shallowed as if he was sick, and he hadn't found a way to recover.

"They were… necessary" Dan responded unsurely.

"if you ever tell me that killing another person is necessary, I will kill you myself. That will show you what is necessary." My eyes pierced into his, and he completely broke.

I had broken the elusive Dan Howell.

"I didn't want to put you through all of this. You should know that." Dan quietly sobbed. "Me faking my death, disappearing – it was a distraction to keep you safe. They would see you had nothing to do with me anymore, and ignore you. I made sure that no one targeted the base you were at as soon as I knew you were there. I tried to stop them when they ignored my orders and carried out an attack that could have damn well have killed you and others." His voice was enough to break me into a thousand pieces. Finally, I had reached a point where I knew he was remorseful, where I knew he would do anything to make this right again.

"So what now? Do I hand you in? do you kill me? I must apologise, I'm rather new to all of… this" my hand gestured to the rest of the room.

"No. you come with me. We will go away, just you and I. we can go somewhere safe, where no one can find us, and there will be no more lies." Dan said desperately, his eyes move madly and he held tight onto me.

"and what about if I said no. if I didn't want to go. You've lied to me for years now, and I don't think I can trust you" I was unsure of Dan, now more than ever. He was desperate and it felt wrong.

"Please…" he begged "You can trust me, just give me one more chance. I can be who I was and you know that, don't you?" Dan asked the only question I could not answer. But I knew I didn't have a choice. I knew what he was capable of.

"Okay. I'll go with you. But the second you become like this again, I will leave. And you can kill me if you want to, but I won't come back." I answered finally.

Dan pulled me up, and I leant against the wall in agonising pain. He pulled me into the tightest hug, still rough and stronger than before. But somewhere there, Dan was finally back


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you to everyone who has taken time and a lot of patience to read this, much like my other story it was a long running idea which has been brilliant to write.**

 **I wanted to thank those who have left reviews and followed this story, your appreciation is, well, appreciated. It's unfortunate that I can't message those guests who leave reviews, as I always like to thank those who leave a nice review that makes me feel happy.**

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We had clambered out a window (Dan had to carry me through) and into the night air. I looked like it was late, making the desolate streets look menacing. We were only a few streets away from the shop, clearly where Dan wasn't hiding now. In fact, looking back up at the window, I realised that we were in-

"A bank. It was already cleared out by time we got here, so there was no chance in many coming here again." Dan answered my unasked question. "Stop" he hissed suddenly, doubling over behind a bin and pilling me down with him.

"What's wrong?" I whispered.

"There's someone here, over in the other building. They saw us get out and know we're here." He replied, his head peering through to gap at the top of the litter box.

"Who is it?" Dan looked back at me and shook his head, but I began to realise who it could have been.

With another burst of energy I didn't have, I pushed myself up and into view of the person who was clearly visible through to shattered glass. She wanted to be seen. Dan yanked down on my arm but I pushed up on the bin and put my free hand up, that Dan had let go. If it was her, she would attack me, she would know I was safe. If it wasn't, they would shoot.

"Phil, are you okay?" the familiar voice asked. She sounded scared.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I need you to leave, though, it's kind of important." I replied through the settling mist.

Laura stepped over the glass window and into view, pistol in hand and the other reaching out towards me.

"You know I can't do that just yet." She called out, the gun being held tightly in her fist. She knew he was next to me, even though he remained under cover.

"You have to let me go. I think you've known for a while now, that if he wanted me dead then I would have been killed long ago." My voice became shaky.

"What about the attack. He didn't care what happened to you. He let this happen to you." I opened my mouth to reply, but before I could. Dan skidded out from his cover, walking slowly toward me with both his hands raised.

"Now, Laura. You and I both know that isn't true, don't we?" he responded calmly, his face now set in stone.

"Well, I wouldn't know, seeing as we are on different sides now." She spoke coldly. I could tell their reunion wasn't going too well.

"But that's irrelevant. Because Phil might not have seen me the night my group attacked – might I add, without my order – but you did. You saw me, and you know that I tried to stop them. Otherwise they would have done a lot worse." Dan voice jeered, confusing me all the while. I looked up at Laura, who stared at me in shock.

"Wait, you knew he didn't mean any of that? Why didn't you tell me?" I felt hurt to think that she had lied, and I felt all this anger, for nothing.

"It wasn't meant like that, we wanted to keep you focussed and we needed to stop what was going on. Actually I had planned on bringing everyone with me, but I figured that something like this would happened." She smiled.

"Like what?" asked Dan menacingly.

"You. Trying to get away, taking Phil with you. Normally I would have stopped you both by now, but…"

"What?" we said in unison, glancing at each other.

"Well, I don't believe that you are like this, Dan. Nor do I believe that you would want to kill someone in cold blood. But the rest will not give you a chance, they will kill you and Phil on the spot." She explained, lowering the gun.

"so… you're letting us go."

"Yes. But if you're going to go, do it now because they'll have figured ill have gone and will be looking for me. Once you're out of the main parts, some of the less affected areas might have working cars. In which case, take one and go. As far as you can. These people are good at tracking don even the best of hiders." Laura pointed down the dimly lit street, backing away "I have to go, before they get here. Dan you'll have a job to help Phil but if you're both quick you'll- "

Dan ran forward and embraced Laura in a hug, throwing all coldness aside and meeting her like an old friend. She stopped in surprise for a moment, but wrapped her arms around him, forgetting temporarily about their long time feud. For a few moments, they stood there, but Laura pushed away, and ran back to the building. She glanced back, looking at me, and smiled warmly. I had a feeling that this was the last time we would ever see each other.

Running down the road wasn't an option for me, but Dan saw me struggle, and put his arm around me, helping me move quickly but at a pace where I wasn't hurting.

Soon we were almost out the main centre, and there wasn't a soul in sight. Dan slowed his pace, and kept a hold of me as we pitched out into the streets, which were becoming less and less damaged, and began to show more signs of friendly life. It became clear we were entering a village just of the centre of London when houses became more and more spaced out, and Dan seemed to relax his hold on me.

Suddenly, he pulled me to the side and put my weight on a wall of a red brick house with all the windows smashed, only the garage door remaining. Dan approached this much to my confusion. He bent over to the small lock, which pinged off only seconds later, allowing the door to roll upwards and reveal the thing I was longing for – a car.

"How did you know that- "I began to ask

"Well, I wouldn't try to get away without a way to get away, would you?" Dan beckoned, reaching back over hurriedly and putting his arm around me, half carrying me to the car which had a layer of dust on its top. It was incredibly small but as long as it worked, I was happy that, finally, we would be out of this hell.

Before he pushing me into the adjacent door, Dan stopped inside the garage, turning to face me whilst still keeping hold of me. He looked straight into my eyes, saying nothing, but telling me he was sorry. I could see from the way he looked at me, that he was telling me the truth, that I could trust him and that he would tell me everything; no more lies.

And then, he hugged me.

His touch was my drug. You get hooked on drugs fairly easily, yet it is near impossible to stop once you start. The feeling, the emotions, everything it does to you becomes addictive, and you never want it to end. But like all things, there was a catch. A withdrawal. The agony of it was worse than death, the emotion became drained and the feeling left. For what felt like many lifetimes, you were trapped in the withdrawal, shaking like a lost child. You want more, even when you become clean and the withdrawal was over and you didn't feel the addiction anymore, you still want it.

Dan was my drug. When he touched me, it was the feeling of electricity, fire burning through petrol in my veins. There was no stopping the feeling of happiness when his hand grazed me gently. It was toxic and I was hooked to it.

I went through withdrawal, of course. Thinking he was dead, that I would never see him again. I craved his touch and his smell and his voice, like I couldn't survive without it. every part of me longed for the feeling of nothingness and everything at the same time. I was only clean when I knew he wasn't dead. That Dan was miraculously alive. I knew he was out there, and although I didn't crave him as much as I hated him, it only took him to hold me like he did. The touch I remembered, the one that was only from Dan Howell himself had returned. It wasn't rough or cold, it was warming and gently, but enough to hold me together. It wasn't the Dan who people warned me about, who they wanted dead – this was the Dan I knew.

The car rumbled into life, spluttering a bit before moving smoothly out onto the now clearer road, speeding off into the night.

I knew my nightmare was over. Leaving this hell was all I wanted. I looked over to Dan, who glanced and met my eyes, reaching out his beaten hand, which I took hold of.

The car began to speed out of sight, into what would soon be the burning horizon.

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 **To Be Continued**


	15. Chapter 15

Dan P.O.V

The sun had set as the car rumbled down the road, its engine crashing more times than normal. But it was all that we had.

Phil was still holding onto my hand, having fallen asleep from what only could have been sheer exhaustion from the weeks previous. Honestly, I could have done the same right now, too. Except I knew I was far from deserving at that point. After all I had done to him, Phil was the only person right now who deserved to rest.

What I believed to have been the safest way to protect him, had been a nightmare from the floor below hell as I watched my 'unbreakable' plan twist and shatter in front of my blinded eyes. And now we were here. A fragile Phil sleeping by my side. Fragile both physically and mentally.

There was no denying it was all my fault. Since my teen years, I always wanted that protection, and I never knew how badly it would have affected everyone. Joining the elites, training and working with people like Laura, who happened to be one of my closest friends was one of the best decisions I had made in my life. Finally, I had made friends, and done something worthwhile in my life. That's all I wanted. To do something that mattered, that people would want me to do. It mattered to me that I protected them, and that when they looked at me I was a source of trust.

Unfortunately, the Elites were far from what I wanted. Of course, they gave me the experience, the knowledge to protect, but they didn't let me free enough. I wanted to really protect. And by that I mean to rid this world of people who made it such a corrupt place. That was my only intention, and it was my only initiative to swap to the C.F (Capital Faction), the type of organised Mafia if you like.

And boy did it give me freedom.

Seeing my knowledge, I was immediately given my place there. They wanted me not only to work for them, but to work alongside some of the top guys, as a leader. But I never joined immediately, because it would never work like that.

They knew me already. These people knew everything there was too me and it left me with no choice but to follow them to their 'recruitment' stage, where I would sit alone in a room for what felt like days. No food. No water. Just me and a screen, with a projector attached to the ceiling.

It was more of a torture chamber, really. Except there wasn't a moment where they touched me. It was more like mental torture. The type that bribed a person into knowing that being able to leave was impossible. That bribed me into finding leaving impossible.

Like I said, they knew everything about me, including the things that mattered the most to me. And each hour the projector would switch itself on, a person coming into view. Everytime, a different person.

At first it was friends, people I had spoken to and were some of the most innocent I had known. They become closer to my heart. The people became family. My cousins, my very own parents. And just when I thought they had finished with me, it clicked back on.

Phil was on his side, blood pouring around his head as a faceless person held a silencer to his head. He was on our apartment floor, hand just inches from my bedroom door as he tried reaching out for me. While I stood in this room. Alone. They had convinced me that he was now dead, that I was too late. but I knew the truth. There was no escaping this. I had to join them, I was too valuble to them, being put to many uses that I hadn't been given before. But the cost was giving up the most important part of my life. The cost was giving up Phil.

But I had no choice.

Phil stirred to my left as we made a sharp left turn, his arm gently resting on mine. He didn't wake up, just sighing and shuffling in his stained seat. I pulled myself slowly away from his arm.

After I had joined, I knew there was always a hidden instant regret. In fact, the most painful part was knowing that in order to truly protect Phil I would have to disappear. Not just from his life, but from everyone's who mattered. No friends ever knew of my intentions. It had to be done. _They even sent someone to make sure Phil wouldn't see the truth._ They pulled him away as he looked at my lifeless body on the ground, which was as lifeless as a zoo, with my heart beating like a drum and my frozen lungs fighting for the breath I absolutely denied them. They ditched him somewhere far enough not to come back. He could not find out. He could not know. They would kill him, and I would rather die for him.

It was the moment I found out Phil was with the Elites that my life would become more difficult. He knew that I was alive more than ever, and it would be his chance to catch me out. My life would be over, but not before his. I knew Laura would have something to with it – she always seemed to know me, and would surely use Phil as she had to get to me. She almost had me believe she was really going to capture me, but I knew that there was a different heart there, one that would give a second chance.

I looked down at his leg, his damn leg, which was now permanently damaged and a sight that would haunt me for the rest of my life. I had don't that. I had ruined his life. It was completely my fault that he would ever have to suffer that way and struggle for his whole life. I had to make this up somehow.

There was no way I could leave him now, it would be barbaric to let him try and survive just like this.

No I owed him, I owed him my life and more. He needed someone with him. I watched him struggle on the floor mercilessly, not knowing had no option but to stare hopelessly into the ground.

And now I owed him everything.


	16. Chapter 16

**Welcome to Chapter 16!**

 **I'm glad people are beginning to like this series, and the break was well needed, but back to business, as usual! Just a side note, I need people to bear in mind that the next few months are basically going to be full of applications to UCAS and university, plus all of my usual work so its being to be extra tough but I'm prepared to keep going here.**

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It had been hours since we had started driving into the outer ring of the city, and we were no somewhere between Nottingham and Stoke-on-Trent. The sunset had passed quickly and the pitch black iciness took over as the roads became denser in the winter mist. Various lights passed by, turning into regular intermissions of working lamp posts, which neither of us had seen for a long time. It seemed that the most affected place had always been London, and civilization was somewhat of greater quality the farther north we traveled. I was more than glad to at least know where we were headed, as it was eerie enough sitting in silence having given up on any radio connection and Phil being over tired.

Luckily I knew more and more people as I got into the business I'd hopefully escaped by now, and I found out the of all people to join, Chris had been an Elite as long as I had. He, of course, lost a lot of trust in me when I changed, but it only took him to know about Phil, and a phone call from me, to sort out a place for us to stay for the next few weeks. He had left most of his life behind, unlike myself who tried to continue as normally as possible, Chris having a more in-depth perception of his job, and being wiped off the books for good – he was a nobody, who could wander about as anybody he wanted and not be traceable by name, because according to the government he didn't even exist.

This was one of the few things that were good about my job, that I could just know people who would back me up any moment I needed. Favors were always positive, and getting them was as easy as doing the job in order to get them, leaving many in debt to me and owing me at least one job themselves. For others, it was a convenience, but for me it was an escape plan that I had been subconsciously been planning from the start, saving contacts just in case it all went wrong in the end.

We left the desolate motorway stretch and descended on a small town. That was the sign that I was not far from the place we needed to be. Specifically asking for a safe place was one thing – describing the exact location of a place warm and safe, with available food nearby and civilisation was a whole other level of difficult, as many of the homes had either been evacuated or occupied and were unusable, but I knew Chris couldn't let us down, and as the first sign for Manchester appeared, I took a sudden turn into the concealed slip road to a secluded cabin like house just outside the village.

It was run down and looked unhealthily built, with some of the roof missing and the bricks crumbling from the outside. The building looked incredibly small and cramped, with doors and windows squashed across the front, but it was all we had for now. As I approached I could see the outline of a man dressed completely in black, leaning against the house itself and only moving forward as my lights set on him and the red brick walls. The car died down and I stepped out, closing the door quickly and moving to Chris, pulling up my hood.

"Is this it?" I asked as normally as I could.

"You could at least sound glad I found it, not exactly an easy request these days." Chris replied, eyeing the car which was smoking slightly "You might want to move that. It will attract attention here in no time. People have been after cars for a while now, especially up this way."

"Ah" The understanding set in "I was wondering why you were stood outside." Chris smirked darkly, shaking his head as if it was only a minor convenience to him to have no car and no way to get out. "Take this old piece of junk" I suggested, kicking the wheel gently and looking back up.

"Really? You sure you won't need this, it's not exactly as civilized as you might have hoped up here you know. Especially now winter is setting itself in." Chris asked rather taken back by the gesture.

"We won't be planning to go anywhere anytime soon. Give me something to do up here at least, finding a car better than this shouldn't cause a problem I guess. Well, not for me." The engine was still whining, and I knew I would be glad to rid it, knowing there were only so many more miles left in the pile of metal.

"So you're giving me this… so you can just go and steal another."

"Precisely"

Chris and I looked back at the car, simultaneously remembering that Phil was still in there asleep, the cold potentially biting through the windows. We both walked over, Chris just ahead, pulling the door open to reveal an ashen Phil.

"He's really not very well…" Chris muttered, kneeling next to Phil and putting his hand to Phil's forehead quickly "Dan, he's really warm. Did he say anything about feeling ill earlier?"

"No" I answered quietly, the wind smacking my face sharply. "But I don't know if…"

Chris' eyes hit the absence of Phil's leg and froze there in shock. "Oh," he exhaled, not leaving his gaze for a few more moments before carefully lifting Phil up out the car. "I'll need to look at that. I don't know, but it might not be healing right." He closed the car door with his foot and stumbled through the thickening snow to the door of the shabby house, the door already ajar after what looked like a heavy battering.

"I didn't mean for it to happen; I didn't know It would get to this." Chris ignored me as I shut what was left of the door. He strode ahead of me, and I fumbled behind him nervously, not knowing what to do. There was no change in the temperature of the room we entered, which felt like it could be one of three, this being the main room. Chris carefully placed Phil down, who had not yet stirred, onto the dusty small couch pressed against the wall. He rolled away the bandages to a sight that I could not describe. It was horrific and I could guarantee as a non-professional that if it was to look like anything it would not be like that.

"It's infected. Doesn't seem too bad now but I don't know how far along the infection is. I haven't got anything that could help. Not even clean bandages, damn it… I'll have to place these back on, but you need to find something asap. Medicine he can take, bandages to keep it clean. Pain relief if you can, but don't let it get dirty. If he's like this now, it might not get better with no care." I put my hands to my face and walked across the minute room, standing near the clouded window and looking out into the blizzard that had no intention to settle. Chris quickly applied the bandages and stood away, placing his hand on my shoulder before leaving. I heard the car engine rev to life, the lights blow up the full brightness and slowly disappear into the haze.

There were some scratchy blankets hidden under the couch as I searched for things to keep him warm while he slept. There wasn't much, but the blankets were at least dry and warm, only being able to find them and an old soft child's bear which was stuffed behind a curtain, I set this next to him, a little company as I wrapped my jacket up tighter and stuffed my hands in my pocket. Of course, there was nothing in this house, but there was stuff out there. Medication, food, water, anything that could at least help in the slightest had to be somewhere in the nearby town, having passed it only moments before reaching this place.

I didn't leave straight away, knowing that Phil wasn't very well was enough to hinder me. I knelt down next to him, resting a hand on his cold face and moving it to feel his feverous forehead. He was very warm, yet so cold that there was no telling if he needed my warmth or not. He didn't stir once, not when I touched him, nor when I placed my head next to his and put an arm around his shoulder to hug him tightly and for many minutes. Phil didn't seem too weak, but I dreaded Chris' words. He spoke pure fear into me for what could happen if I ever tried to leave him again. but for tonight, I knew I would have to return.

Having no car didn't seem a problem when I gave it away - until I stepped out into the icy cold winter, the damp already biting through all my clothes. Faint lights could be seen just the left of the house, orange and white visible. I had to follow the lights.

I hoped they would help me. For Phil's sake.

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	17. Chapter 17

**Whoops... so a late upload this week but what with everything that's been going on in the last few weeks, Ican't say there was no reason for it. Next chapter will be up next Monday, possibly late because of visiting universities!**

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The night had been a long, insufferable one, with my legs being almost 3 feet deep in icy snow, trudging back from the nearby town. I had discovered just how terribly guarded that place was, having gotten in okay, finding a lot of what we needed. Only did I find out as I clambered over the fence how frightening it was to be in front of the barrel rather than holding the trigger. They couldn't see my face and certainly couldn't follow me as I sprinted off into the nearby cluster of trees and shrubbery that had slowly overgrown the snow. At least I didn't think they could follow me.

With all the haste of running from the gun about to paint me all across the floor, I had dropped some of the items. I had attempted to wrap it all in a blanket and conceal I was taking, but in the rush of the moment my arms went numb and I heard many items thud to the floor. There was just no time nor chance in turning around now, not with the sun beginning to rise and hours ticking by with Phil being on his own. I remembered just how cold it had been in that shack of a house, and the chance of heating was long gone, with the wood being too damp for the fireplace. I just hoped that the blankets had done any justice at least.

The door had begun to swell with the dampness, and it took many attempts for me to wedge it open before I flurried through the door, closing the wretched thing before any more of the settling storm found its way in. I turned around, immediately dropping everything in my hands and rushing to Phil, who was half awake, half hung off the couch, his bad leg unbandaged.

Lifting him up took a lot of strength as he had resisted, his hand pushing softly against me. He tried out his leg grazed and flinched in pain. I felt bad, I felt so bad for him. His arms were cold, but the heat from his fever just radiated from his head, warning me just how ill he had gotten.

Phil went in and out of sleep while I set to work with his leg. He had messed up the old bandaged which were looking old and worn, trying to tear them from the inflamed scar which looked like it had done anything but heal. The edges were raised in a rash that had swollen, scratch marks showing just why he had half ripped the bandages off. I was no doctor, so even being so close the scar made me shiver and gave me a really painful job to do myself. There wasn't much to do but apply some other bandage I had found, but I knew I was missing some of the packs I had originally picked up, as I now had only two spares to last the next few days while I planned out my next venture.

Once I had managed to do that, gritting through the pain of watch Phil sleepily flinch and agony, I rolled open the rest of the cover to reveal the rest of the collection. With great difficulty, the six food pouches I had managed to obtain had dwindled down to three, mixed in with just one bottled water, a cup, and some assortment of tablets that were in a smashed first aid box in one of the abandoned houses. I knew I wouldn't be able to find more but I had to take what I could and get out of there as fast as I could. Looking through the tablets, I was relieved to find some kind of antibiotic, and a small tray of paracetamol.

I took them over to Phil, whose eyes kept opening and closing, fighting to stay awake as the sun began to shine through the frosted glass on the horizon. The bottle of water shook my hand as I placed them on the floor next to him. I wasn't too sure how I was going to get him to take them, as he seemed too sleepy to know what he was doing. Instead, I raised him up a little allowing myself to sit down and held him close to my chest. He instantly tugged himself toward me, feeling what was left of my warmth against his cold skin.

"Phil?" He shuffled a little. I could tell he could hear me, just by the way he moved. "It's me… Dan."

Phil didn't really respond, but his hand moved onto my arm and he squeezed weakly. "How do you feel?" I asked, taking hold of his freezing hand and holding it tightly. His eyes opened reluctantly and only looked around for a second before they closed again.

"I know, it's not very warm but it'll get better soon. I'll try to see if I can get a fire to keep you warm if you would like that?" he moved his head slowly trying to nod. Phil tried to speak, his mouth moving very slowly and no sound coming out. I began to rub his back, the only thing I could think of to comfort him.

"I'm so cold, Dan…" he finally whispered, barely audible over the swirling wind that rattled the window pains and howled down the chimney, casting icy gusts of air into the room. The pain of those words baffled me, forcing me to look away and feel the first tear drop I had felt in a long time, a strange feeling that caught me in the chest and dragged me down. Is this how he felt, all that time?

"I know" I whispered, holding onto him tightly and pressing my chin against his burning forehead. His temperature had risen so much, the burn from his face nothing to his ice cold hands that clung to me like I was his last hope – and I really was.

We both held on to each other, Phil just shaking from the cold and myself quickly wiping away to uncontrollable tears into my shoulder. He slowly started to shake more from the cold, and I readjusting himself and me so that his face was on my chest, and he could hold his arms around me.

"Phil? Are you awake?" my voice shook as I asked him, knowing he could only be getting worse. Phil nodded his head slowly and as if in pain, tucking his closer to me. "I've got something for you to take. It's going to help you with your leg, and you'll feel better, I promise." I encouraged him to sit up a little as I reached down for the bottle and the tablets. There was no way he could take the tablets himself, so I crushed some of them up, dropping the powder into the bottle and shaking this quickly. Phil shuffled and his eyes flickered a bit, gazing sleepily at me.

"Look, I need you to drink this. It might not taste nice but it will help, I promise." The bottled wobbled as I held it close to his mouth and let him sip the concoction that was my only resort, for now, to help him back to life. He scrunched his face up as it hit his tongue but he listened and seemingly clung to the ever word, only managing to drink a small part of the bottle before pushing it away.

"Dan…" he whispered. I looked down into his eyes caringly and smiled as he looked back at me, his blue eyes looking hazy and weak. "I… missed you…" he shuddered on his last word, once again holding tightly onto my arm and closing his eyes.

Hs words were so hard-hitting. Like a ton of bricks, he knocked me off my pedestal and back to reality – Phil had felt all this pain. He feared that I had died, just like I feared that his life was a short notice in this moment. He had to wait in a locked room, feeling like the whole world wasn't on his side. Like nothing he ever knew nor believed was true anymore.

The backlash was here, and now I sat silently, looking down on the consequence of my choices.


	18. Chapter 18

Three days later.

I had only managed another journey up the field, this time, their patrol on a higher alert, of course, making it even more difficult for me to get supplies. It seemed that all my understanding of being discreet was vanquished by the now settled snow, which left tread marks for them to follow and made even standing still a chore. Life just seemed to be so difficult right now. Everything I did caused a chain reaction of bad events, one after the other backlashing me until I was beaten to the ground.

Phil was a constant reminder of this. The last three days just proved how ill he really was, having found that I could no longer get any type of response from him, only when I tried to pour water into his mouth to at least keep him hydrated and help him take the edge off the pain and begin to repair the infections damage. But none of that seemed to work, he was just motionless on the chair and there was nothing I could seem to do to nurture him or the depleting levels of food, water, and medication which I had failed to acquire on the second time around.

I returned and barged my way through the wedged door that I had put extra measures up temporarily to stop anybody else getting in and taking all that we had left – there was no way that I could let someone do that to Phil. Like always, he was still there, crumpled up with his arms wrapped around his chest and his eyes closed. Phil was only worse than the days previous. I walked over and sat in the space where his legs dipped inward, pulling the covers tightly over him and rubbing his side helplessly, as there was nothing I could actually do to help him other than aim to comfort him while he felt this way.

 _It's just a little sickness, he's going to be really tired,_ I told myself every time I saw Phil motionless. He couldn't leave me like this. Not this way.

In the distance, two little headlights popped up where a car began to emerge. Though the snowstorm had settled, it had left a heaving amount of snow that almost towered the little motor that looked like it couldn't stand longer than a few seconds on thin ice but plunged through the white sheet all the same. It was still a little dark outside, but it was clear that Chris had made a surprise appearance. With confusion, I stepped through the room and reached the front door, removing the barrier and pulling open the door until it grazes along the floor and revealed Chris, who had already skipped out the car and was at the door itself.

"What are you doing here?" Chris' face fell, looking gone out.

"Well, what do you think? Not here for the snow, that's for certain." He retorted in his sarcastic slang and glancing back at the now slightly smoke car, creaking in the background "Can I come in then? It's like frozen out here." He huffed, pulling the bag tucked to his chest even tighter and making his way through anyway.

"Not much warmer in here" I mumbled under my breath as I once again wedged the door shut and racked down the barrier. Chris pretended not to hear me as he dropped off his bag. "Phil?" he suddenly squawked as I turned quickly, thinking that something was terribly wrong.

"He's been like this for a while…"

"What? Dan this isn't good at all. Has he eaten?" Chris called as he crouched next to Phil, whose face was blank and pale still.

"Not very much, I've tried to get him to eat and drink but I don't think it's working."

"Why didn't you get in contact?"

"Oh yeah – with what?" I snapped back, walking over to his side and kneeling next to him. Chris once again ignored my comment and continued to observe Phil, rocking his shoulder a little and calling his name.

"He hasn't got much energy you know" He informed me as he reached into the slightly bulging satchel that he had dropped on the floor.

"Wow, I hadn't noticed" Sarcasm was the only method I hadn't forgotten, and it stuck me with a sharp look from Chris, who pulled out a small medicine bottle, spinning it around to the label.

"This," he said, brandishing the bottle into the limited light, "Is very strong. I only brought it in case one of us really needed it, assuming Phil would have been somewhat better. He doesn't need very much, just a little bit every day." He placed the bottle on the ground and pushed Phil's head back.

"Phil? Open your eyes, it's me, Chris."

Phil stirred a little, but his eyes didn't open. He made the smallest of sounds and drifted away again. Chris pulled his head back again, moving his long hair out of his eyes and trying again and again.

"It's no use, I've tried everything" I murmured, turning away and looking through the window. Chris spun on his heels, standing straight and walking across the room just behind me.

"You can't give up."

"Why can't I?"

"Because, I met a friend of yours and heard all about your little scheme. So I suggest you buck up your ideas, because he's risked his life for you, and he didn't do that for you to just give up on him when he needs you the most." Chris snapped at me before returning back to the room and carrying on with Phil. His words sent a chill down my spine, a heavy reminder of why I was here. He was right; I had no business giving up now when he had given his life to get me back. I'll pull this horrible mind game on him, causing him to realise he only had me to live for. and that shouldn't have been true. I should have been outright the whole time. Maybe it would have cost me my job, maybe it would have cost me my life. But I would do anything to stop us from being here.

"Phil?" Chris called out from behind me.

I spun around.


	19. Chapter 19

Phil's eyes glided open and shut in the midst of faces above him.

The sheet had been pulled up by Chris but had slipped off of him as he struggled in more and more pain. A couple of times, his eyes had set on me before closing and flickering in the wake of the shooting pains that were clearly coming from his leg. He was holding tightly to his knee and rocking slightly to somehow edge the pain away, which Chris was trying to hold him still.

Me? I was sat on the floor. Watching.

Not in a creepy way, but I hadn't seen Phil wake up for such a long time, that I'd forgot just how he looking, which his eyes, being the things that never changed, radiating all of his bright personality that I missed. And just how much he was suffering just to look at me. He could have carried in laying in the exact ditch I told them to put him in. but he got up and found a way.

"Dan?! Get over here and help me!" Chris's voice seemed so far away.

With a numbness that stretched the length of my body, I crawled forward next to Chris and made an odd movement as to try and hold him still, which made me feel all wrong. While Chris looked at his leg, a burden of medical knowledge being our only solace, looked into Phil's still rolling eyes and gently tried to keep his arms still. Chris was speaking but I wasn't listening. Phil was convulsing gently under the pressure of my hands, trying to clutch back at his knee sleepily, but making no sound. I felt every ounce of pain. I felt each movement as if it were my own body convulsing and shaking. The iciness emitted from his skin, freezing my hands to him and locking my hold so that he looked at me. There was no force, nor any aggression behind my hold, either. There was only one thing I wanted Phil to know, for him to understand that I wouldn't ever let him go.

"I'm here," I said aloud so that his momentary gaze lasted a little longer on my eyes and a hint of a smile began to etch itself on his face before his head lolled away again.

"There," Chris sighed, sitting back as he taped the bandages back. Phil did begin to relax and was, sure enough, falling back into his sleepy state. "Dan, he needs to take this. Keep him awake and I'll try and find something he can take it with.

It was just like trying to take care of a sick child. He didn't understand what we were doing, that the things we had to do would help. He tried to push away at Chris a couple of times, the pain being too much of a burden to allow us to help. His sleepy state was the culprit in reality. He didn't look at me and see all the terrible things I had done. He didn't see the awful person I really was; the only reason he couldn't see anything anyway. Phil could not comprehend the vastness of my wrong-doing because he couldn't even hold his own wakefulness. Instead, he could only see me, and nothing more. My face was the face drifting in and out of sight, the one thing he could latch his attention to when he managed to open his heavy eyes for just another moment. And now his hands fished their way to the tops of my arms, hooking onto me as if he really was sinking bait. His grip was a lot tighter than I first thought it would be but still weak for a man who was meant to have died when I had instructed he be ditched. It was clear he clung onto dear life. He clung straight onto me because I was his lifeline.

Chris jabbed me hard in the shoulder, bringing me back to reality, a small cup in his hand filled with the pungent liquid that I hadn't even bothered to ask what it really was. he just shuffled up next to me as I let Phil keep hold of me.

"Talk to him, I need him to be away that I'm doing this, or he could choke." He instructed me, looking directly and harshly at me.

I didn't return the contact.

"Phil" my voice cooed slightly higher than normal, "I'm still here, don't worry. I need you to do something. I need you to look at me and try to stay awake, just for a little while. Can you do that"

Once again, Phil's eyes fixated on me and his face relaxed into a small grin as he nodded slowly, deep in his trance. But he followed my every word, his eyes, however tired, looking deeply into mine.

"Chris is here, and he's got some medicine that will help you. All we need is for you to take it. Do you think you can do that?"

He nodded again, looking dead into my eyes with the same grin.

Chris moved in slowly, having received the command, and tilted Phil's head up slowly to pour the odd concoction into his mouth, which he reacted to. The smell did only worsen the flavour as he faces momentarily contorted into what I could only decipher as disgust. After a few moments, he looked back at me, the heaving of the illness pulling clearly.

"It's okay now, you can relax. It's all over for now." I hoped that my voice represented as his eyes obediently closed and he sighed slightly into his forever sleep. Knowing that he was no longer in need, Chris began to move to the separate room, mumbling under his breath the need to rest. We all did.

So that's where I made my bed for the night – on the floor, right next to him.

There really wasn't much I could do for him now, as he was sleeping and hopefully better than he was before. all I wanted to do was look at him.

There was something about looking at Phil now that had changed from this morning. Nothing in his appearance (he was still very pasty and pale, his cheeks allowing more than I had remembered). He hadn't changed his hair nor had he any physical marks on his body. I did not refer to the physical features of his face, but the way my view of Phil had changed in knowing that if Chris hadn't got to us in the time he did, that Phil could have been dead.

Yep, the thought of Phil being dead changed the way I saw Phil.

It's crazy to think that a few months ago, I was all about throwing Phil out the window to cure my crazy obsession with control, especially now I had my chance. I could have lost him that night, and in the moment I didn't care.

The day he was hurt, and I didn't even know he was one of the closely killed members. Instead, I left permanent and obvious scars on his body that for the rest of his life he would have to feel and see and have to talk about. I could have lost him then.

And now, in this very moment, his body fighting a battle against something raiding his body f power and energy to even speak could be the reason I lost him forever. He breathed a battered breath with each inhale, making every part of this look like it was only worth his misery to be extinct. I could lose him now and lose him forever. It was only now I understood the true, harsh reality of this.

Studying his face is what I had resorted to, each physical feature burning into my mind. The way his chin pointed and slightly bubbled, stretching into his thinned jaw line. The way his hair scratched over his ears, overgrown and ebony and tickling his neck. His hairline reaching along his long face where his eyes were closed gently; but I could remember every detail of his eyes, the way the blue shone brighter than anything I had ever seen, the shades unpredictable and brilliant and individualistic. The flop of hair on top of his head was messy and unclean from the cold sweat that had not yet dried. My hand reached up and pushed it out the way of his eyes, which didn't move at all as I pulled the covers up and tucked him in, trying to conserve the warmth that was left inside of him.

Laying back on the ground, my eyes remained on his hand hanging over the edge of the bed open palm. His long, thin fingers were outstretched slightly. I took a hold of them, falling to sleep in my own trance of nightmarish visions.


	20. Chapter 20

Chris had brought us a lot of essential items, which had drained their way out of existence over the days that he was not there. Water, food, even something for us to do while we lay low here was an essential I hadn't even considered. He had thankfully even managed to find some variation of medicine that would specifically help Phil, which did its course. Colour had drained back into Phil's face after only a few hours, removing the awful death-like look that had resided on the couch.

Most importantly, Chris had brought news from the south.

"I've stayed in contact with Laura. She's still under surveillance, being the reason you were able to run free. It almost cost her a job and her life apparently. But anyway, both sides are after you, the faction and Laura are now established, group." He spoke promptly. Chris had not lost his sour twist that was aimed to stab me; he had not quite forgiven me for what happened to Phil and was not letting go anytime soon.

"But I thought they closed the case after the attack," I replied, looked over at Phil, who had just turned over in his sleep.

"That was until they figured you had done a runner with a 'civilian' and now could be anywhere. The faction wants you dead because you went AWOL on them. I don't think they know just how far north you actually went, and I had some people patrolling the exits to all of this area just a few miles out each way so they can call us if there's something suspicious going on. It would give us just enough time to get away before a clash.

Walking over to the window, I looked out on the level snow tracks and onto the long stretch of road which was only visible from the small call tire indentations in the ground. There was nobody in sight.

"And what happens if they get to us before we go?" I asked slowly, staring intently at the glistening snow. Chris walked up next to me and started out the same pane.

"We can deal with that when we get to it. It probably depends on who gets here first. Which is where I propose a plan." HE said firmly. I looked back at him confused. "If Laura's group get here first, Phil will be our priority. We have to get him out as soon as possible, as they will take him away and use both him and his sickness as proof that you were trying to hurt him. The guards have permission to shoot on sight so if Phil isn't around you and you give them reason no reason to shoot, they will work with you, as Laura has informed me."

"Okay," My voice stretched out slowly, waiting for the inevitable catch.

"However If the faction gets here first, you are the priority. Even if we have to leave Phil here, we first and foremost get you out."

"But Phil-"

"-Will stay in here because the faction is not after him, they're after you and will kill you. Phil, whereas, will have a lower chance of being killed because of how unlikely it is they will know him. The only way Phil will survive is if you are away from him."

Chris was telling the truth even though I hated to admit it. If the Faction found me, they would kill me and anyone with me. Though it was not impossible, they were less likely to hurt Phil if he was on his own. It was a risk that was better than having us both die just because I was there. And if Laura found us, Phil would have to go, for the sake of his own health and my life. I had to deal with the problem correctly and work with the people who would actually listen to me. He could go away and not suffer from the problem I had caused

I walked back across the room, Chris accepting that I had finished the conversation and walking outside into the cold – the car worked as a safe place for him, given the small room wasn't much of a room itself. Phil was curled up against one side of the chair, giving me just enough space to settle down awkwardly next to him. His hands were clasping onto to the cover we had draped over him so I dare not disturb him like that, but instead I gently brushed my fingers through his hair, tugging the strands back into their usual place.

There. Just like normal. Except nothing was normal.


	21. Chapter 21

_The tunnel was dark, an echo of dripping water ricocheting off the walls. It made me feel disorientated in the strange environment. I had never been here before._

 _As my eyes managed to focus in on the dark cavern, the blackened stone walls became visible, all looking very damp and shiny from the limited light. They were not structured walls, just as if they had been smashed down into a tunnel shape, and water was leaking down to my feet, where a puddle was slowly rising past my knee. It was quickly rising._

 _Stepping forward only caused a chain of events to occur. At the same time as rocks cascaded from the ceiling, a voice echoed along the crumbling walls. At first, it was very quiet and unrecognizable, but as I drew slowly closer, I could decipher the sound._

" _Dan…" the voice echoed. It bounced around the tunnel many times over, giving me chance to understand just who was calling me._

" _Wake up… Dan…" Phil's voice called from the end of the road. I couldn't see him from here, which edged me forward against time and the heaving waters that pushed against my thighs now. Not only was the ceiling caving in, but rushes of water were pouring heavily from the ceiling and into the pool rising around me. If I didn't get out of here quick, I would surely drown or be crushed to death._

" _Open your eyes, It's me" Phil cried out, his voice becoming louder. What was he talking about? my eyes were open. I was awake. He must not know what's going on after being so ill._

 _Just then, I stopped as I realized that the story was unveiling itself. The tunnel was getting further away as I stepped closer to it now. I didn't need to run because I couldn't reach him. I could reach Phil. What I had done was now out of control, and there was no way I could save him, he was out of my hands and out of my reach, I would never have been there in time-_

"Dan!" Shouted a new voice as I shot upright.

Chris was shaking me awake with one hand, though his body faced Phil, who now resumed a half-seated position. His head was in his hands but he was surely awake, mumbling to Chris.

I scarpered to my feet, not knowing whether to laugh, cry, run or stay in this spot. He was awake.

 _Phil was awake._

All was not well, though, as he had his head bent over the edge of the couch and was taking abnormally deep breathes.

Chris was trying to push him back, as Phil pushed against him weakly in an effort to sit up. Phil's face was straining in pain, but he managed to pull his head up and look at me. It only took a second for me meet his eyes, then throw myself across the room and straight next to him, pulling his frail chest across to me. This time, he didn't fight like he did with Chris, just slumped quietly down onto my legs, half was strewn on the couch we were scrunched onto. Chris stepped back after helping me pull Phil onto the chair properly, stretching out and yawning widely.

"Go. Sleep." I said quietly to Chirs, worked like he wanted to protest (I had not gained his trust back) but his blackened eyed said otherwise. Instead, he just turned towards the door and went outside.

"Phil,"I said quietly, pulling his estranged hair out of his eyes. It had grown far too long and now resembled his old hair style.

He shuffled out a bit, pulling his hands closer to his face. "Phil, it's me. How are you feeling?" he must have been only half gone because his eyes fluttered and he nodded very so slightly.

"I'm okay" he croaked out to my relief. I had feared I would never hear his voice again.

"Oh my god, are you in pain? Please don't let it hurt like that.." I cried out, hearing the pain cross his voice. This time, he only nodded but a bit stronger as he began to wake up more and more, glancing around the room. the bag with everything he needed was on the floor where PJ had left it, so I reached down and pulled out the pain relief – all that we had left.

"Where are we? I… don't remember coming here." He whispered, looking out the window as another flurry of snow started again, coating the ground with another icy blanket.

"Don't worry about that. I took us somewhere safe, somewhere safe where people wouldn't find us. Here, take these and it will take away the pain." I didn't let him question our whereabouts, placing the bottle into his hand and holding the tablets out. Phil tried to push up with his arms, but he didn't have the strength to lift himself far off of my lap without falling back, so I gently pulled him up so that moments later he was pretty much sat up himself, leaning greatly on my side and placing his head on my shoulder. The bottle spilled a few times as Phil shakily lifted the bottle to his mouth and finally took the tablets he desperately needed. Once I was sure he had taken those, I pulled the antibiotic out the bag.

"Another?" he playfully moaned, his voice still weak but his personality finally coming back.

"Just one" I assured "And then you can do what you want. Sleep? Move?"

Phil's head lolled back and then forward as he took the last tablet and set the water next to him, he looked at me with strained eyes that begged for rest, but he had other ideas.

"I just want to talk." He said out loud, and I knew this wasn't a question. I had no option but to let him.

"Okay," I agreed shakily, knowing this was exactly what I wanted as well.

"what happened?" One minute, we were leaving, and now it here. It feels like I've been here forever, but I don't remember anything." He asked me a difficult question, one I wasn't sure I could completely answer but knew he deserved the truth, and the complete truth.

"Y-you fell to sleep in the car. Or so I thought you had. When we got here, I had a friend who owed me a favor and managed to find this place, but when we got to you, you hadn't woken up and we didn't really know what to do. Your temperature was high and your leg…" I couldn't manage the rest of my sentence, the pain hitting my throat as I tried not to cry and look weak in front of Phil, who needed a rock right now.

"It's infected. I can feel it. I know how the infection feels because I had one before, but I wasn't walking then so I remembered all this. Maybe not as bad, though." He confirmed, all the truth shining through.

A few moments passed in silence, both of us searching each other's eyes gently.

"I don't blame you for any of this…" Phil said at last, though I didn't believe him.

"Why? All I have done is bring you pain and disarray." I corrected Phil.

"No, you were doing what was right at the time. maybe now it seems like its all your fault, but you had good intentions. Unless you have fortune telling magical powers, then I hold nothing against you."

"After all, I have done to you…"

"….You've looked after me…."

…I'm the reason you have no leg…"

"…You looked out for me…"

"…I left you for dead…"

"….I'm alive because of you." Phil finished curtly, squeezing my hand to shut me the hell up.

"I'm sorry," I said out loud, knowing I could never say that enough.

"Don't you dare apologize to me ever again. I can't see you like this." Phil begged with his eyes for me to understand "I can see how hurt you are, you've seen me like this for a long time with no chance for me to tell you I don't care what you've done, I know it's bad and it's going to be bad for a while, but we can get through this…" He looked right into me, his eyes caring and hopeful.

"You… you want to start again?" I whispered, feeling the heat run to my eyes.

"Yes. I want to forget the past. I want _you_ to forget the past. There's nothing we can do now that can change all of this," he gestured to his leg, "but we can move forward, and make the right choices."

I thought for a moment that I could be quite possibly dreaming, but there seemed to be an impossibility that in any of my dreams Phil had actually forgiven me. All I had ever imagined Is that he wanted to get as far away from me as possible, no matter what. I had not prepared for this moment.

"Okay," I replied gently, stroking his hair softly and bringing my arms around him into a hug where he could fall to sleep comfortably.

"I want you to promise me one thing, Dan…" Phil's voice became weaker as he stifled a large yawn and began ti fall into his sleepy state once again. "Promise me we will do this together." Once again, this was not a question, but a demand I could not bear to refuse. If this was real life, I would not miss an opportunity to get a slice of my life back.

"Together, I promise." I give Phil I tight squeeze, feeling his head rolled slightly forward a few moments later on my chest. It wasn't long before my own head rocked to the side and I slipped into a sleepy trance where the world became silent and innocent.

Though hours had passed and darkness was swirling around, it only felt like moments when I heard the door smash through. My eyes sprung open like springs, just about making the silhouette out to be Chris's, his chest heaving. Phil stirred on my chest as the cold stung his skin.

"We need to leave" Chris ordered, fear in his voice.


	22. Chapter 22

"What do you mean?!" I demanded as Chris rushed around, pulling everything into his satchel and frantically looking for the keys to the car.

"I mean, Laura told me we had a few weeks till they were coming here, so I intended to tell you tonight so we could plan ahead, except she found me in a hurry saying a villager had recognised you and told them, and if we don't go in the next five minutes they would be too close and we would lose our chance to leave now!" Chris cried out, fear tracing his voice like I had never heard before. He prised open a cabinet, where the keys were hidden safely and he took, looking at me. "Can he manage the walk to the car?"

"No, but I can manage him and I'll stay with him in the back. You've got somewhere, right?" Chris knelt next to Phil and felt his forehead briefly with no sign of relief across his brow.

"Well, I can't promise anything. There is a place but I need to get there first, so we need to be prepared for a wasted journey, though there are other places." Chris straightened up, slinging his back ready onto his shoulder, walking to the door.

We had to go now.

Phil had lost an extreme amount of weight, which meant that when I scooped him up under his back and his knees found him to be lighter than I expected, sending a worrying chill down my spine. We got to the front door, where I glanced back into our little shack, knowing it would be the last time I ever saw that place, before wedging the door shut for the final time. I had taken the scratchy blankets with me as the snow still swirled relentlessly.

It took us a moment, but finally, everything was in the car and we began to rumble away into the blizzard which I watched carefully for people coming towards us. The snow no longer looked gentle and serene as it did as Phil and I had entered this place many weeks ago, instead it was ferocious and blinding on the road.

"How far away is this place? He might not last a long journey…" I asked nervously, spinning my head around to look at Chris, who was gripping the steering wheel tightly. He pulled out onto the tarmac road and pushed his foot to the floor, shooting off.

"The closest place is not too far from here, maybe an hour's drive. Is he warm?" Chris spoke quickly.

I put my hand on Phil's forehead, gladly feeling that the temperature had gone down significantly.

"No, just cooling down a bit more. Is that good?" I asked unsurely.

"I suppose if he loses his fever then we might have a fighting chance of escaping, but we really need him up and walking right now."

The engine growled loudly as Chris sped faster and faster towards the endless stream of lights, turning away from the main road and racing down bumpy country roads that were dark and frighteningly cowered in shadows from the overhead trees. I felt my alertness drop so suddenly, feeling the safety of the speeding car surround me and take me away to another place.

Chris P.O.V

I cut the engine and quietly as I could, peering back at Dan, who had his face pressed against the glass. His arm was draped around Phil's shoulder, which was beginning to stir. I couldn't make much more sound than nessescairy, so I readied the needle in the front seat. It came with all the medical knowledge I valued so much and meant I could put the plan in action. The one me and Laura had worked so hard on.

Clambering slowly into the back, I reached over to Phil, who jumped slightly at my touch but didn't open his eyes to watch me insert the needle into his arm slowly, allowing the anaesthetic to rushing into his blood flow.

"Just one more sleep Phil, I promise," I whispered to his body, which became limp within a few seconds. He couldn't fight the sleepiness.

Readying the needle again, I took to Dan, pulling out his arm slowly, carefully not to wake up. This time, it wasn't going to work immediately, but the Temazepam would work slowly, knocking him out when he tried to move. It was perfect. He wouldn't know it, but he was about to be trapped in his own body for them to find him.

Phil was still lifeless, which made it all the easier to sling him over my shoulder and pull us both slowly out of the back seat and into the cold. A moment before I left, I pulled the handbrake so it wasn't completely on. He wheels would begin to roll and speed up, landing Dan away from us

I shut the door quietly and walked off into the building nearby, where we could reach safety finally.

I woke to a loud bang and then and eerie silence.

There was no way I could move, the sudden noise having spooked me as I realised I was still in the car, now empty. Chris wasn't in the front and Phil wasn't lounged across my legs anymore.

Where were they?

"Phil?" I called out as I peeled myself up and off the icy seats, seeing silhouettes escaping my sight. It was pitch black outside, the biting cold freezing the windows solid and making it impossible to move. I had to get out. There had to be a way to get out.

The door was locked, but I shuffled along the seat to the front, where the lock would knock down and the door creaked open, myself staggering out. I was dizzy and I felt sick.

The cold bit me instantly, reaching my bare arms and already stiff face. I had to get to Phil. But where was he? I couldn't see around me, the snow drawing heavy and blinding everything further than a foot around me. The car was half crashed into a wall, which could only mean one thing – they had gotten out alive but had left me.

I took a step forward, which was a big mistake, as my leg seemed to give beneath me, I staggered and pulled myself up. What on earth was happening? Was I sick? Something was making me this way, the dizziness was alien and the feeling of having no legs was rather peculiar, if not frightening.

Another step pulled me to my knees.

"Stay where you are!" called a voice from in front of me. A light began to flash in my eyes. It was misty and out of focus. The floor became close to my face as I tried to wake myself up. My eyes weren't having it, not one bit. They were heavy. My heart was slow. My hands went numb. Maybe from the cold. Maybe not. Whatever it was, it sent me to the floor, no energy left in me to carry on.


End file.
